Ok. There has to be a couple fashion savvy people here. I need shoe advice. Forever I have been a sneaker or skate shoe guy. Never had the confidence to pull off anything else really. I need advice on a style of shoe that will go with denim or blue jeans that's not sneaker or running shoes. Looking around online I don't want boat shoes or loafers. Don't like desert boots. Chukka's look ok. And brogues whatever that means. If your looking to help me. I am loolong for something comfy and casual but still dressy looking. Something that other guys will look and think. Man those are some sweet shoes and women will think I know what I'm doing dressing myself. Haha.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
W came home today and I was wearing some of the new clothes I bought myself and she noticed right away. Said it looked good. Did you take the boys out too? Ya we went for lunch and I got myself some new clothes. It was a good day
Even if she said it was a terrible shirt or something. It would have stung but I picked it because I like it. It's not up to her to decide what I want to wear. Very very slowly getting better at not caring what she thinks of me. Although she noticed. She didn't bother to ask or see what else I got and I didn't offer to show either. Even when we were good and she got something I would ask to see it all. Just helps me along knowing she may notice. But doesn't give a cr@p.
Just smile and wave boys. Just smile and wave.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Now tonight she asks me if I want to do something. I said what did you have in mind. I dunno watch a movie or some thing I will probably fall asleep before it s over. At which point she looked at her phone and I walked away. Which is a habit I am forming when we are talking and she looks at it. so I am torn. I can easily find something to do until bed that does not involve her. At the same time. Not paying attention and doing stuff together is part of the reason she is leaving me.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Hey Tyler, I am a big shoe person and it is definitely something I notice on a guy, so I thought I would give it a go. I think chukkas, brogues, wingtip and casual oxfords are nice, but it is hard to say without seeing the clothes and a sense of your style. But just to give you some ideas, here are a few to look up that I think look nice, hip, but not overly dressy. You sound like you like things more casual(note some are pricey, but I an sure you can find something similar a lot less expensive. I just pick a few online that I thought looked nice)...
Cole Haan Zerogrand Wing Ox Frye Justin lowlace Oliberte Navivo Born Sandor Born Jax Anhu Roanoke
My H hated to shop, so he was happy when I went out and bought him clothes and shoes. Everyone always thought he looked nice, so I am fairly confident in this area!!
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
I have only been doing it a short time and still worry about what S thinks of me. I hate that she is angry with me and I let it affect me.
Tyler, I suspect you fall into the category of the "nice-guy" type. If you have not read the free down load, please do. It's pretty short, so it will take no time to get through it.
You have been "conditioned" to live your life around your W and what she wants, her expectations, her reactions, her moods, etc. Everything you do or don't do, your brain asks you, "What will W think about it", and you act accordingly. "Will it make W angry", "What kind of mood will she be in when I get home", "I have to do all I can to keep her happy, b/c if she's happy....life is easier", "I can't lose her, b/c she is my entire life". These are the thoughts that have governed your life since being with her. It causes you to be emotionally dependent on her.
You goal needs to be to break your emotional dependency on her. Make decisions for yourself, without asking what she thinks of it. Don't worry what kind of mood she'll be in when you come home from work. Her mood with not decide what you and the kids will do that evening. You go on with whatever you would do, as if she wasn't there. Many women use their "mood" as an emotional tool to control the H and their kids. You are a man, and you do not bow to a female's mood. You are not her servant, kicking post, or puppet.
She has basically fired you as her H. Her actions and betrayal speaks very loudly that she wants you to vacant your positions so she can fill it with another man. The longer you hang around, trying to show her you are worthy to keep the position of husband, the worse she will treat you. That is a promise!
So, stop trying to prove yourself to her. Stop trying to "win" her love. Focus on you and your boys. Start building a new life that does not depend upon her input.
Leaving your boys with your W while you go out in the evenings is not abandoning them. You CANNOT allow guilt to enter here, b/c it will bind you from ever having freedom. The WW uses plays two cards the most....."guilt" and "control". Being a nice guy, she will pull the guilt card over & over again.....as long as it gets her what she wants.
She may not want you as a H, however, she will want to control your live. The sooner she learns she cannot control you, the better.
You may wonder how on earth this would bust a D, but I promise this has to come first. She has to start feeling respect for you, before she'll begin to want you. As long as a man is dependent on a woman to make his decisions, and conducts himself in a subservient relationship to her, she will NOT respect him as a man.
Unfortunately, that ^^ is what we are seeing in a lot of LBH's. He stops being the leader, and has given her the reigns to rule their relationship and the family's lives. He lets her make all the small decisions and then starts allowing her to make all the final say b/c he thinks it will keep her in a better mood.....or just keep the peace. Everything from deciding where to have dinner.....to buying a new house. Don't misunderstand what I mean by allowing her to make small decisions. I don't mean to imply women aren't capable of making very heavy decisions, in business and personal realms of life. I'm just trying to paint a picture of the H's role in the M. If he leaves everything up to his W to decide ......af if he didn't have a brain or any leadership as a man......she loses respect. Traditionally, (and I believe women still do) look to the husband to be their protector, provider, leader, and partner in decision making. Women are fiercely independent today. However, once in a MR, those innate feelings usually come forth. I believe it will always be there between male & female. B/c it's the essence of what women seek in a mate. A male who is capable of protecting and providing for her and her children. Although, most women today may be able to financially provide for themselves, it is still something in their makeup that expects a man to hold these abilities. In other words, we women want a man to be stronger than we are. I don't mean a man who is all muscles and looks like Mr. Universe. I mean the inner strength to lead us. If he doesn't pick up the reign of leadership, then she's forced to do it. That is when the dynamics are switched, b/c she feels she has to be in charge of the family.....the marriage....the finances....the activities....etc. She makes the decisions, and if the H doesn't do what she wants him to do, how does she get the upper hand to control it? Her mood. She will either give him the cold shoulder, silent treatment, b!tching fit, or cry. She knows what works on him. He feels anything is better than dealing with her when she goes into any of these modes, so it's easier just to give her what she wants. Right? No, it's the worst mistake he could make in a MR. She sees him as not standing up to her and being a man, and she looses respect for him as a man, and as a H. His passivity is his #1 enemy of the MR.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi you nailed it on the head. I definitely fall into the nice guy role and prefer submission rather than conflict. And that is a area I am focusing on. Her attitude or mood should not be a deciding factor in my life anymore. Not at this point. This is about me and my kids now.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
She definitely isn't going to respect someone who isn't respecting themselves right now. And my changes I have made so far as far as respecting myself are seen by her as being an a hole I think because she gets defensive when I stand up to her and give my opinion or put my foot down. It's not something she is used to but that's too bad for her. I should have had a spine the entire relatiknship
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Today I took the little one to my mom n dads. I'm taking S3 skiing for the first time. W may be coming too, which is fine. She started packing today and I'm not sitting around watching. She said she will come. But I have a feeling she will stay and pack. Which is fine with me. Almost better as I can just play with my boy and have fun.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Since W is leaving on Saturday she is starting to pack her stuff. She wants to go through things together today to split up things. Anyone who has been through this I need to know how to stay strong and not just cry through the whole experience. How to show I care and want to her say. I don't want to do this I don't want to go. I don't want to just cry because it's going to be very hard. I know I am going to do whatever I can not to just give in and let her take everything
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
