Hey Minnie...you made me smile. I'm eating chocolate...mmmmm....not for breakfast. My S loves the new french toast pop tarts..usually he has cereal, his two favorites and his very favorite is sausage!
Quote: just sit with it and don't give any meaning to it."
What a great idea...thank you so much, you what they say "what goes around comes around"
This mood will run it's course, a better day is coming, I know that, there's always tomorrow...
Hang in there, if you can. Yes, mlc can be a long journey but it does eventually end once your h has worked through all of the stages. Just keeping remembering that it's really his journey. In the meantime have fun tonight.
When your h travels into the deep, dark depression, it will be an experience that he will never be able to describe because he will have entered the pits of hell. The depression that you've been witnessing thus far is nothing compared to the stage of depression that will eventually overtake the replay when the time comes. We do not know when that will occur. It all depends upon how many issues that he must resolve during replay. Lefty, mlc takes a very long time for some of these people to travel through. Their issues didn't just crop up. They have been a life long problem for them and then something triggers the memories and they have to go back to that time and grow up. The average time for the full blown mlc is 2-5 years, depending upon the individual and how much the lbs leaves them alone, so that they can focus on those issues. The more they are aggravated, the longer it will take. Also, by snatching them back into their old lives and trying to get them to live the old lives will cause the mlc to resurface at a later time and it will be much worse the second time around. That's why it is very important to leave them alone as much as possible and do for yourself. It's hard when there are children involved, but you have to focus on you and your son at this time. There's nothing you can do for him, except listen and be supportive. You can't tell him how he feels or what's wrong w/him. He has to figure this out for himself. He must hit bottom on his own.
Now, I am going to caution you and everyone else that posts on this board. Many times, readers will get so wrapped up in other posters' lives and what's happening to them. You can't do this. You have to read and empathsize w/the posters, but you can't allow their problems to be super imposed on to your situation. Each situation is different and yet similiar in some fashion. Each mlcer has a different personality, they all had different childhoods and that's why you must look at each situation from afar. When you begin to read the threads and start trying to pigeon hole your own situation into their situation, it will not work. You will become frustrated and lose hope/faith so much quicker. I strongly advise posters to be there to help others, but always keep an open mind that each situation is different and no two are exactly alike. The time lines are different for each of us and the mlcers.
I really do hope that you enjoy your evening out. It's time to do something special for yourself. Keep the faith. It's a very long, frustrating and hard journey, but in the end, no matter what, you and your son will be just fine. Turn this over to the man upstairs and allow him to work on your h, as he really is a work in progress.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Cathy I hope you don't mind if I semi sort of hijack your thread for a min. I know we have many of the same issues and since we frequent each others threads, we can share info!
Snodderly, I have been reading your depression/MLC thread and have ordered and am reading your most recommended titles.
I have many many questions regarding depression that I just posted on my thread. If I could ask a peek by you I would really appreciate it.
Just stopping by to see how you are. Hope you had a fabulous time out and enjoyed some "Cathy time". You're doing all you can do and doing it very well.
Cathy, I feel for you, but snoddery is right and love the post! You are just feeling overwelmed here is all! You just need to let your H go through this journey without your help. Be a friend and listen, try to deetach from his drama, not easy, I know!
Snoddery~ Thanks! Funny but this morning I was feeling overwelmed by others posts. I have to remember that I can not help solve anyone's problems here but leand an ear or a shoulder. Sometimes I get so fustrated, that I can't help. So here is a DB principal~drop the rope! LOL
I totally agreed with what you posted to Cathy! And I for one look so hard into all this MLC. Try to apply what works for others, ect. Each sitch is different and you have to moniter the results, sometime what works for one sitch does not work with another.
Thanks for making some good points here, I needed to hear them! I have decided that the threads that overwelm me, I must stay out of, they do bring me down and make it hard for me to work on my sitch!
Hugs, Cathy! I think your are awesome, don't feel we put you up on a pedistal and you can't hit walls. What you are going through is normal and you will have ups and downs, we all do!
Hope that you had fun out with the gals. I went last Sat night and had a blast. Definitely need to do more of that!
So let's look forward to a great weekend. My H is going out of town to get in some last minute ice-fishing. My D has her first spring hockey game and today we are headed for the museum with Grandpa.
Here is rooting for our respective college hockey teams as they play in the regionals! I don't think they will meet initially so success to both! And if they meet then of course - hope mine wins! LOL!
Have a great weekend outside with your S!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
I did have a good time last night, thank you all. The focus was off of me, I listened to my gf's problems. Two of the girls are sisters, with three other sisters in their family and what this family goes through is unbelievable...there's ALWAYS something going on.
Three friends were there. #1 told of her daughter trying to sneak her boyfriend in through the bedroom window the other night. The booze she found in her daughter's bedroom.
#2 told of her son, senior in high schools, whose GF senior in high school was pregnant...last I had heard they were having the child...well it had all changed and the girl decided she didn't want to go through with the prengnacy..and the whole story spilled from #2, #2 trying to talk the girl out of terminating the pregnancy and the emotional pain and drama of the whole sitch..it was gut wrenching to listen to.
#3 she didn't have a whole lot to say and usually she's the one we all have to listen to.
Thus the reason we included #2 in our little group as she never shuts up and she always has something going on worth listening too.
I didn't say a lot, was asked if H was at home, if OW was out of the picture, I siad I don't know, I don't ask. I could see #3 shaking her head Oh well.
H is at his appointment, he stayed with S last night while I was out. Went to bed. I said good night to H, he's didn't respond. Got S ready to go to day care this morning, came in and said good bye to H, H did say goodbye. Asked H to call me after his appt.
So by leaving H alone, H won't think that I don't care about him? I do do little caring things for H. I put notes/cards in his lunch letting him know I care. We haven't in awhile.
I don't want to back off too much as then won't H think I don't care about him? I make sure S is fed, make sure he is taken care, even try to keep him out of H's way. Offer to take S to SIL, parents so that H can be alone. I am being considerate and thoughtful. I have been carrying the burden and I really don't mind doing all that I have to do either. Also, trying to do things for myself. H does like having S around it is H's bright spot.
I'm in a funk right now, part of it is the weather, it's gloomy, I will be okay and so will S. Don't know if I can put a finger on my mood, just know I haven't felt this way in a long time.
in awhile.