There is a brilliant pamphlet onot the influence of abuse of a mother on children. It's called little eyes, little ears. It's a Canadian study on this aspect.
I like it because it breaks down the influences by age group.
What age did this happen Mutatio?
I asked you to tell me how you saw your own interactions with dad, you described being associated with the feelings and dissociated from the image. You were in third person. I think the aim is to be dissociated in the present from the feeling and to be able to integrate the image into a life story. Otherwise the feeling triggers a response. In addition critical beliefs once identified can be addressed.
I have thought a lot about this and your childhood. I was I it I ally confused until it occurred to me that you were viewing the child as if that wasn't you. In a sort of right brain numbed way.
I think we need to cherish that child and heal him. A great eye opener was the fact you spotted yourself repeating the pattern with your own son, woke up and stopped. That is an amazing and wonderful insight it means you are not your father in any way. You are you. I belive that awareness is going to be key to healing.
Do you see this has seriously influenced you?
As Fo said what is it that stops you healing and forgiving yourself?
I had to take us to a side bar, the last time I worked on this stuff (with Mahhty), it attracted the wrong attention and I felt atracked. This created drama which distracted us and was to me destructive. Additionally if we conclude nothing through our evaluations or if there are personal things that need deleting then we can ask this thread to be deleted.
I have several thoughts and posts already drafted although these rapidly become outdated as I read and research.
Fl
Until we can mourn the past we are doomed to repeat it
