It is becoming really clear to me that my H has been depressed for a long time, for AT LEAST the whole 12 years that I've known him...IMHO.
His temper, his rotten attitude, his life is against me attitude, his everything happens to me attitude, just his disposition in general...all goes back to his childhood. I know I've been told this, but I recognized it at this point. My childhood had it's up and downs but nowhere near what H's was like. I have dealt with my childhood issues and have moved on from them.
I am noticing that I Am focussing more on my H's good qualities these days, where in the past I was seeing his negative qualities. I've reversed my view of our whole relationship, it's no longer focussed on the negatives, but the positives. Maybe it's my view of life in general that's changed.
There were times when I wished I'd never met my H. I know my H feels the same way. Now I see it as meant to be, we were drawn to each other for a reason and for me to wish or think anything different is WISHFUL thinking.
So H will continue on with his journey...I keep praying for him..as it's all I can do. I'm dropping the rope.
My intuition says it's happy hour tonight for H. The other night when H was soo loopdee-looped, it was like I was seeing H like that for the first time--even though it wasn't the first time
Finding God, praying has opened up a whole new world to me..is what I'm feeling that of a born again Christian? OMG....if I were to share that with anyone I really know, I'm not sure what the reaction would be...a look of puzzlement? A look of "oh-oh I need to get away from her" The thing is I don't want to put my religion, my beliefs out there yet, I want to keep it to myself for awhile.
There's also the fact that I'm not really sure how to explain anything to anyone at this point..to show anyone what I have been shown..I think it's something each person has to come to on their own.
I am VERY excited. Tee-time Saturday with my golfing gal pal!!! My PMA shoots up just thinking about golfing again. Will try to stop at the driving range on my way home from work tomorrow night. Need to get the clubs out tonight and put them in my trunk!!!
