Here I am still

[trumpet]

Kyrie,

If I was giving advice to a non-clergy husband, it might be different than in your case.

Your husbands behavior just can't happen for someone who is a pastor. That's the truth.

You need to protect yourself. Find a counselor, and start to tell your story to those who will listen. Those who love you and can objectively help and direct you do resources you need right now.

I'm so, so sorry that you are in this situation. Do you have anyone in the church who you are very close to that you can tell? Someone that can look at this thru a loving, but objective lens?

His anger isn't for you. His anger is for himself, and is directing it to his outlet that he knows will take it. You don't deserve to take his pain, he's already causing you pain.

He won't understand what he's doing. I didn't, either. Waywards don't understand until they're out of the 'fog'.

We care about you here. I care enough to post. I want you to keep posting. It helps to vent, and in this place you'll find others in similar situations.

It was good that you had a good time - although don't feel shame that you had a good time. That's your husband's shame - not yours. Have fun with the girls. They need you! They want the happy mom!