Back on these forums again 6

[Mona52]

Hi guys!

That was unbelievable. I just realized what I did last night. I was so happy to get out to my normal Friday again that I did not think of H all night. This was the first time I did not stop once during the night and wish he could share the fun with me.

The band played 3 sets. Our group usually leave after 2 sets to have breakfast. The band was so great we stayed all three sets.

It was funny, I got up and danced the first song with my group and during the song, Brian worked his way over and manuvered himself so that he cut me off from my group. He danced only with me the first set, and he was by my chair before the second set started so no one else could dance with me. I cant tell you how amazing that feels.

I think he thought I was leaving the third set because he had a skinny blond ready and danced with her the whole third set. I was 100% OK with that. I even saw his hands wandering over her and felt a tiny bit relieved that he was not getting attached to me to much. I danced and laughed with my friends. OMG, they played alot of oldies, CCR, the beatles etc, but the last song they played was Metallica! I was whipping my head and hair all over the place, lol. For those who may not know, Metallica is a head banging group, so you bang your head when they play.

We went to breakfast after and we had the best time. I laughed the whole way through. In 4 hours we will be all together at the bowling alley, and we are all going to my friends house after to bar-b-que some bacon wrapped shrimp with mozzarella cheese. My poor waist line.

I was not going to tell you all this, but there is no reason to hide stuff here. I cant get help and support if I hide things, just be nice, ok?

I am having fun, but it is only Fridays and sometimes Sundays. I am incredibly incredibly lonely. I did 2 things last night... I flirted with a man who is in a ton of pain himself, It was the smallest, tiniest flirt. And I did not even flirt, I responded when he flirted. It was my sis's husband. She is killing him right now. She tells him she wants a divorce but she loves him in one breath and in the next she tells him how she is going to commit suicide. They have 4 small children at home. Neither of them work. He is a recovering alcoholic. Their son died when he was 7 months old and this man lost it and still has not been able to pull himself together.

He has been one of my best friends since I met him. He was my rock the first time I DB'ed. I want to be his friend now that he is going through his own he||, like he was for me when I was in mine. But I know I cannot, cannot cannot ever use flirting as a way of communicating with him. Just to be clear, it was a tiny flirt. I would feel comfortable showing the text to my sis or my children. It was not bad. But to me, I almost crossed a line and it was because I was just so happy someone in the world texted me.

But then it got worse...

As I was driving home at 1:30 am, Chris texted me. I did not ignore him, but I texted back. I chatted with him through text messages for 2 hours. He is not dating anyone right now, but there is no way I can believe that nonsense. It just felt really good to chat and I used him to get rid of my loneliness. I really think the next time he sends me a text I should tell him that he cannot text me anymore. I just have to find a way to make loneliness my friend and coexists with it.

Ready for the 2 x 4's...