Basic sex vs ML? I think, for the most part, women are just wired differently in this regard. For a female, ML is all about the connection. In a very real sense a woman is the one who has to "give in" so to speak. There is a huge trust element involved as a result.
There are some women who enjoy a no-strings attached, dirty, raw sex - but they are in the minority, I think. Most of us would only consider doing something like that with the man we're connected to, the one we only ML with, and again - it's all about the connection and trust.
Men like sex. Period. I've never gotten the impression it was all about the connection for them. I'm not a man, so I'm not sure about this - but it seems that for a male, any sex is good sex. A female? Less so.
The closer she feels to her partner beforehand, the better the experience is going to be for her. I think this is why many of us have difficulty framing it as "our duty". Without a connection, it's just dull and empty - almost like being used. Why on earth would we want to do that? So, we've done our best to tell our partners what we need from him in order to look forward to it as well, and some of us have lazy husbands who don't even try to understand our point of view.
Consider that females have different levels of orgasm. Sometimes, we can get a 10, if the man has put in enough effort making us feel loved, special, and sexy. On average, we get a 5-7. Duty nights, we're lucky if we get one at all.
Men, on the other hand - from what I understand, every orgasm is a 10. That is a huge difference in the quality of the experience. I think if more men understood even this significant difference, they might make more of an effort.
Everything Zues has made sense, and it's truly refreshing to hear from a male's point of view what the fuss is all about. I know he gave me plenty of food for thought, as far as what H needs...it's just really frustrating, because if I want to enjoy the experience, too, I'm going to have to put in a lot of work getting myself "excited" so that maybe I can reach a 5, if H isn't willing to put forth a little effort to seduce me beforehand. Otherwise, it's going to be a big fat zero, making me feel used and unappreciated.
