Thanks so much for the support! Let me try to fill in a couple of things.
We've been leasing this home since we moved to this area. The lease is up in March, and H has no intention to renew. I certainly cannot afford it by myself, even with spousal support - so that is the reason I am leaving.
The car incident was completely out of character. I am not a fighter at all. I've never even so much as broken a plate in anger. The things that have happened to me as a result of that just send me reeling. Knowing that my H and his friend conspired to put me in jail? It slays me. My H has admitted many times it wasn't something I was likely to do - he knows I was out of my mind. Nonetheless, he loves to bring it up, and refer to me as his "crazy-ass wife". I effectively took all focus away from his actions, and made myself look like the guilty person.
I have actually thought I would start going to Alanon. My father was an alcoholic, and there are things in my childhood I don't even think about - but being raised that way affected me. I think it led to the chronic depression. My father died in an horrific accident 5 years ago. I've still got so much unresolved regarding him, I though Alanon would be a great place to start.
H and I were getting along pretty great until I opened my mouth today. By "pretty great" I mean saying hi and bye, and asking and answering questions pleasantly. I won't go into all of it, but he wound up irritating me today. He came to my room and asked why, and I told him.
I acknowledged his reasoning but then found myself informing him we would not be friends. Ever since I started cooperating with him on the divorce, he's started acting like we're buddy-buddy. It's getting on my nerves, I guess, and I made that friendly-sounding statement.
I told him shortly after BD that if he continued down this path he could count on never seeing me again after we were divorced. I don't know what he's thinking anymore. Maybe he didn't believe me? But if he's intent to ruin my life, I don't see why I should have to be his friend. It's not a role I'm willing to play.
So, after I told him this, he demanded to know why, and I said that friends don't treat each other the way he's treated me. So, he slammed out of the house and went to wherever it is he goes when he's not home. He immediately started texting me, demanding to know exactly how it is he's treating me badly.
I've chosen to not answer him. If he can't figure out that abandoning me when I'm sick, cheating on me, lying to me, and betraying me by telling lies about me to anyone who will listen to him is poor treatment, I'm wasting my breath trying to tell him.
I accept that my priority is me right now. I'm just worried I've made an awful mistake as far as the future is concerned. Did I just slam the door, and make it impossible for him to come home? All I know is that I'm so hurt that I don't want to be his buddy. I'm his wife. He may get a piece of paper stating otherwise, but I don't accept it. I meant my vows when I said them. I just don't know what to do.
My plan is just to be mildly pleasant until I can leave, and then no contact. How on earth can he come home again if that's my attitude? I am so confused by this whole thing - I'm just following advice given to me on the forum...up to me, I keep making giant messes, so I've tried to make a point of asking before acting, and everyone seems to think I need to go NC.
