It really can and does work, many people here can attest to the progress they've made following Michele's instructions. You have to remember to be patient though, this isn't going to go away overnight. It could take weeks, months. A number of people on this board have been working on their marriages for quite some time. I've been applying DB principles for 3-4 months now. I've come a long way, but I still have a way to go.
Quote: So you said you know you need to make changes and wonder where to start.... Well, what are her chief complaints about you?
Learn to listen to her w/o having to respond with your opinion or evaluation. Just listen, and then acknowledge that you hear how she feels. Be understanding. Validate her feelings. Learn what you've done that has pushed her way, and start changing now. Don't get caught up talking to her about the changes, just make them and make them stick.
Quote: Read the BB thoroughly, you will find some situations that are similar to yours but are farther along.
This is very good advice too. In addition, there are some especially good readings posted by the moderators in the Newcomers section, be sure to read through them.
Lastly, here's a summary of DB basics I found on another thread...
1. make changes within yourself and be consistent 2. Takes one to tango 3. Take care of yourself, be happy 4. No ILY 5. No R/M Talk 6. Do What is Working 7. Stop what is not working 8. No pressure, Give Space 9. 180's 10. Remember to ACT AS IF things are going well, and getting better.
