Yes, most of us here understand how hard this is. There is no set formula for how long it takes for our seeming-to-want-out spouses to make some decisions.
The best way for you to help while she's on hiatus from your M is to improve yourself. And I mean focus on this as a goal for yourself so that those changes are personalized, worthwhile and permanent.
My H (whom is lovingly referred to on the BB as Mr. Wonderful) has been gone for 15 months now. I know firsthand how hard it is not to be able to fix things. Part of a successful outcome requires both of you to decide that it's worth fighting for. This is why she needs time and space.
This time is going to be a test of wills. Your patience will be sorely tried and she is going to be testing you every step of the way to see if you really mean to walk the talk. Don't be tempted to take the short cut, or you're going to set yourself back significantly.
I actually forced Mr. W. into MC last summer (it was an ultimatum that partly worked and partly backfired). He was going to the sessions but not really sounding off FOR THE MARRIAGE. I heard pretty much the same thing as you're hearing now.
We're finally heading back into MC very soon and it's because he's decided he doesn't want the D and needs some help working on reentering earth from the atmosphere (you realize that Houston has to help guide the landing module back to earth).
Focus on you and what you need and want to change about yourself. If things are going to work, you're going to have to pay very close attention to what she says/doesn't say and does/doesn't do.
Capisce?
It's tough, guy. I won't lie to you--this is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. But the hardest things are typically the ones that are the most worthwhile.
Hang in there. You've got friends here to help.
Betsey
Last edited by Underdog; 03/23/0408:54 PM.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
