My DB coach had me write an apology letter to WAW. I did. It stated that the post BD days had been eye opening, and that I had come to realize [harmful behavior]. I told her she was a wonderful person and deserved to bloom again. I told her I wasn't writing this to change her mind as I know it was made up, but that I regretted the pain I had caused and wanted her to know that.
I read the letter to DB coach and she told me: "Good. Now make sure everything you do and say matches the tone of that letter." That became my mission statement.
Granted I didn't always feel that way. I went through my anger, my disgust, my disagreements with her attitude and behavior and choices. But I didn't show ANY of that to her.
Before any text or email I would reread the 37 rules, reread my letter, meditate, and pray. Or some combination of the four. My goal...to get myself into a spot where I was operating from my best self, so my voice would be consistent with the letter, my mission statement. I strove for validation and a place of peaceful strength. To this day I do that.
Zues - thank you so much for sharing that! I can actually see a path forward with this. I'm double, triply thankful now I didn't respond to his text. It was a cheeseless tunnel. I probably have him thinking harder now about it, than if I'd answered and made him angry.
I've been doing better, PMA, the last 2 days. This one didn't send me off the rails. For the first time ever, I just didn't act. I wasn't angry when I was speaking with him. I was pretty matter of fact. I may be detaching a bit more. It doesn't feel like it. I still love the man. I realize detaching means to let go, lovingly. Maybe this is where I'm headed. It just all feels so strange.
I can't thank you enough, friends, those who helped with this. I see myself making huge improvements. My attitude is better, I'm communicating more, I pick myself up and go after a mistake, and I'm asking the forum before I do anything I may regret. It took a while to get me to this spot!
I've gotten some great advice, and think I have a plan in place. I'll go back to neighborly treatment. Hopefully, he won't ask me anything about my friendship statement. If he does, I've got an answer prepared. I'm really hoping he doesn't show up in a mean vindictive mood. I like Zues' advice. I'm not apologizing anymore. I didn't do anything wrong telling him we weren't going to be friends. We're not.
