A new way of thinking...

[JulieH]

I know how you feel, but as an outsider looking in, now is not the time to debate, try to reason, or rationalize. Nothing you say, no matter how brilliant it is, will wake him up. You might interpret a look or his behaving differently like it did, but I don't think they are capable of it on any level that means anything. He will only see it as a resistive force. Instead, be a friend by giving him space. Allow him to
initiate even when it's so superficial you can't stand it, and just Simply stop trying to convince him of anything.

It's also a waste of time to analyze husband and whether he is upset or not. It's all irrelevant. You have to give him time. By fighting with him or analyzing him you are not giving him time to miss you. You were married 21 years, eventually he will but you have to let him.

I know you know this but you keep doing it anyway. (I did too )

Act as if everything is fine. That you are going to be fine. That things are the way you want them to be. That none of this happened. ( I know sounds like denial) but that was my advise from coach. Basically be friends, don't pursue or talk about relationship. Let him initiate friendship. Start by not fighting with him. Show yourself in a good light. Be pleasant. Positive behavior is contagious right? Combat his darkness with your lightness. Act as if. Ascend from your errors, which came from his downward spiral. You are funny and empathetic and insightful and you need to stop letting him drag you down to his level. Maybe by doing this you will bring him back up to yours.

clmtinue to act in your best interest though.