Quote: I asked him if we could snuggle instead of reading... trying to keep the connection going. He insisted on reading 'just for a few minutes'. I tried to not get irritated, but I did.
OK, the goal at this point is to get to some cuddling. Alas, it looks like we're gonna have to wait 10 minutes or more...
Quote: He finally cuddled in, put his arms around me, and thanked me for this afternoon.
Wonderful! We're there! He's showing appreciation, he's drawn near, and now the cuddling can begin!
Except...
Quote: I told him I'd love to thank him for putting me first tonight, but wasn't able to because he didn't put me first... He did say that it was a compromise that he 'only' read for about 10 minutes, but it felt like he got his cake, and got to eat it too, and I took second place.
!!! Ouch !!!
No cuddling for tonight. Try again another time. But if you ask me, cuddling would have been a lot more fun and rewarding than what actually happened. In the morning you could have decided whether it was worth raising this issue, and if you did decide to raise it, you could do it at a time that you were both less tired and less vulnerable. Because this was a vulnerable, sensitive time - late at night, when you were really wanting to be held, and after you had made yourself vulnerable by having sex.
Nobody's perfect. Forgive him, forgive yourself, and move on. But next time, if you want to "keep the connection going", don't push him away like this. Use the "cuddle barometer" - before you say something, think about whether it's going to draw you closer or push you apart.
Do you remember back when you were 4? If you closed your eyes, no one could see you??? Well, I'm hoping that principle still applies!!! I think I'm a little embarassed about how I look at that moment... or perhaps not exactly prepared to watch him watch me.
I totally agree with everyone's synopsis of this... not a great way to react. I have thought about it, and now, reading over my post and seeing yours, I can see how I should have done it. I think I'm trying to move too fast, and H is just not 'there' yet.
BUT........ I was hurt (a bit), and he did turn me down the first time I asked for something, so it was kind of just reacting, not thinking. I need to be prepared better the next time so that I'm ready for however he reacts.
Do you think he realizes how hard I'm trying???
Thank you all for your clarity... it's hard yet to see this from his point of view!
You'll have another chance to cuddle, and you're making big changes in a positive direction, so I hope you are giving yourself lots of credit. And I agree with LostLove about baby steps, and that your husband probably sees the changes you are making. Build on it slowly.
By the way, earlier you talked about the sex that he needs and the cuddling that you need. In my marriage, it took a long time to teach my wife to cuddle, but we have that now, and she appreciates it too. (Sex is advanced calculus for now.) I suspect that both of you need sex, and both of you need cuddling, but it takes each of you time to learn to appreciate the other mode.
When I was learning jazz flute, I saw some Wagner on my teacher's piano. I asked him to play it, and I said, "yuck". He told me that until I had really taken the time to learn to appreciate a kind of music, I didn't realy know enough to reject it. He's right - someone who does not understand jazz or renaissance music or chant will not know how to appreciate it.
Words are one useful way of communicating, but if we can only communicate with words and logic, life is very much impoverished. There's a richness to love that goes beyond words, to listening to music together, enjoying a good meal together, spending time together out in the woods, praying together. And cuddling and sex are both especially close to the skin and the heart. They can also be usefully combined.
Jonathan
P.S. I suppose all of these things can be combined. Sex and cuddling out in the woods, a picnic basket containing a gourmet meal and some wine, a woodwind quintet providing background music, and a priest blessing the occasion with a censer ...
Jonathon: Man, that was beautiful. Especially the vision of the couple getting it on with a quintet in the background and a priest blessing them.
But I really liked this:
Quote: Words are one useful way of communicating, but if we can only communicate with words and logic, life is very much impoverished. There's a richness to love that goes beyond words, to listening to music together, enjoying a good meal together, spending time together out in the woods, praying together. And cuddling and sex are both especially close to the skin and the heart. They can also be usefully combined.
I tried to not get irritated, but I did. 
