Here I am still

[trumpet]

See my last post. The reason I feel so strongly opposed to this is because it falls into that 'camp 4'.

Let me ask you the same question Trumpet. If your wife had used porn, would you have divorced her? Or if she had gambled?

The more we try to control other people's behavior the more we interfere with their journey the less likely they are to achieve growth. The wake up call you had was not from a wife that wanted you to change, it was from someone that had truly stopped trying to control you. It was the lack of her efforts to change you that caused you to wake up. Realize that.

Zues, my wife didn't start to divorce me because of the porn, and if she had an addiction, I'd stay with her, as hard as it was. I made a comittment - in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer - a vow.

The years of porn, as well as her own low self-esteem, change of body thyroid (lack of them), weight gain, all transpired in her life, and she hit a low point. Also, she's not a talker about her feelings, so I did't have a clue. I think EA's and PA's make the road to forgiveness sooo much harder - it's a live person, and now real feelings of love and affection are involved.

I think your question, Zues, is either yes, I can live with porn or some other addiction in my spouse, or I can't.

I'm all for for former, except in the case of an EA or PA, which involves matters of the heart, and are talked about in the Bible.

My wife made mention in the beginning, when I found out about the EA, that my porn was a sin, just like the affair. I agreed, but I had no emotional attachment to the women - it was feeding an addiction. Her EA had consequences, and that her heart was with another man. In effect, she's dealing with an addiction.

I've forgiven her, and continue to forgive. It's a daily choice. It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt like hell some days.