WW, My Addiction, Patience is HARD

[trumpet]

I have to say this board, and it's memebers, and the DR book have made the difference in how I approached my marriage.

I say that because of what happened this morning.

As usual, my wife went to work out at 5am, I got up at 6 or so, and the kids were up, and the W back. I felt like it was time, so I walked into the bathroom after getting kids off to the bus, and let her know that we'd need to start working on division of assets and a child placement plan. I did this calmly, behind the bathroom door, so D7 didn't hear. She mentioned I left her no choice. I told her there are lots of choices, she choose the nuclear option, and that I still don't believe in divorce, and that I'd be fine getting through the process. I then left.

Downstairs, making lunch for D7, W somehow was nice to me. In fact, D7 brought up mom working out, and somehow I was asked something, and made a comment that all her efforts are paying off with her weight loss, and that she's doing very well at it. She then asked if she could take 'my' yogurt, to which I said half of the flavors I bought for her - key lime is her favorite.

You see, I detached. The morning after my wife files, I'm cool, calm, and collected. I'm nice to her. I give her a compliment. And by the time she left, she was crying, and literally looked defeated, in shock almost.

I was exhausted from my lack of sleep... texted a friend, and fell asleep for 3 hours on the couch - today is my day off. I woke up, and started to get ready to walk on the treadmill when my wife calls from work - very strange.

She calls to tell me she has called off the notice to serve. That she's having second thoughts, and that she wants to give us 60 days, the full window, before she serves me. I said OK, and left it at that.

We did talk, for two hours. I validated, she cried, said she's cutting OM off, that her marriage and her children were more important. I left some boundaries for her to consider - I will not be in an open marriage, that NC must be something she will live with, and that she must see a counselor for her issues. I let her know I'm ok with the marrige burning to the ground.

She was alarmed on the phone that I wasn't doing cartwheels. That I sounded disappointed that I wasn't served. I made mention that I'm happy about not moving forward, but that if she's just delaying to eventually have me served, that it would be more punishment, and that would not be something I'd enjoy. To use the time to figure out what she wants.

She asked - will you ever love me again? Ugh. I said I do love you, but the marriage we had is OVER. I now know what I want in a marriage, and what it was, I will not go back to.

I did reassure her I wouldn't date while we're still married, and that she should take this time, like I am, to focus on fixing herself. If she gets help and works towards loving herself, we'd be able to build something better than before. Until that happens, I'll be doing my own thing.

She texted me later for our first counselor's number. I take that as a good first sign that she's realizing her fantasy cannot go on any longer.

I will continue to Divorce Bust. My work is not yet done - it has just begun.

Still thinking of taking a trip next week or the week after. Maybe skiing in Duluth, MN, or maybe heading to Canton to see the football hall of fame... maybe Kansas City for a day or two. Don't know - just know I need time to myself right now.