2016 a New Year - getting out of my own fog

[Irish M]

Hi Everyone, thanks for the replies and support. Every time I read your messages I get stronger. Positive energy does wonders

I am very lucky to have both my D's in a good place and state of mind. Their understanding of what their Mom is going through keeps them from feeling mad or sad all the time and missing her.

I had contact via text with W today. We restart mediation again at the end of the month.

This time she also apologized for all the hurt she has caused me and the girls. The damage is done she says..she cant fix anything. Reason she left and did what she did... She was hurting inside and in pain, wasn't happy at all. She didn't know what to do and how to do it. So she ran. ( how she doesn't see this as a depression i don't know). Of course never mentioned anything to me about this.

Now she's not saying she will fix it or wants to fix it. I know my W. In the past she will accept her consequences and move on. Even if it is to lose the D's forever.

What she's told her new friends and family is hard to erase. Their impression of her is more important. ( Sad a mother will throw away her D's for a cheap friend that she's known for a few months.)

She wished me and our D's a happy life together. Still thinks the D's will miss her and reach out to her one day. I know they won't. They get colder to the idea of W as every week passes.

D15 said the only way she will accept her mom is that if she gets an apartment in our town. Seeks help to solve her internal pain. Has no OM until she is fixed and settled. Then rebuild her relationship with the girls.

I think that's a great plan. will it ever happen. I don't think so. Not anytime soon. She is so connected to OM and drinking and smoking pot... her happiness is being taken care of.

Many questions and I need some advise.

- What do i say as a reply?
- Do i say her pain is a depression? Shes only running from herself.
- The crap she told her new friends means nothing and they will be gone in a year while her D's can be in her life for her lifetime.
- Do i say nothing?
- Do i say i forgive you and this is the worse of the for better and worse?
- Do i tell her i'm here if she needs to talk and leave it at that?


Is this a start of her exiting the tunnel or still just some clarity. OM is still in the picture. She is living with him. I know until he's gone and she has gone through withdrawal, she will not be done cooking.

love you all. and we all need a good 2016.