Wife wants to separate at end of school year

[Bhuda1]

I have been a member of DB.com for two months now. Wish I would have been aware of this site 5 years ago. I must admit that I felt very defensive and somewhat insulted with some of the replies to my early posts. Then I realized that my journey to repair my MR will be more difficult than I had hoped it would be. The responders to my posts were being honest. The truth hurts.

When my wife and I started dating, she was the pursuer. I was cautious and although I was attracted to her when we first met, I was guarded and was unsure of my true feelings for her.

It was not until I returned from a vacation that I knew how special my wife was to me and it was then and there that I realized how much I loved her. Upon my return, she surprised me at my home with a take out dinner. The funny thing is, after eating the food in Mexico with no ill effects , the take out meal did not sit right and I spent the better part of the next day running to and from the bathroom. Sorry if this is too much information.

We dated almost 5 years before I asked her to marry me. It was not a smooth ride as there was one occasion that I knew she was questioning herself about our relationship. She was working at the University pub as a waitress and she had met another guy. She was pending less time with me and more time with her group of University friends which included the other guy. Knowing that there was some sort of attraction by my wife to this other guy, who I never met, I suggested we stop all contact until she decided on who she wanted to be with. After approximately a week, she called to tell me how miserable she was without me in her life, and realized I was the man she wanted to be with. Obviously I was overjoyed with her decision and our relationship grew stronger from that point on.

Now here I am, more than 20 years later in a similar situation but with so much more at stake. I became too comfortable in our MR and felt like we could overcome any problems by sweeping them under the rug and they would work themselves out. Big mistake. When I realized that I was being pushed away, I tried harder to pull her back. As we all know here, and as I found out too late, this is a recipe for disaster. Pursuer vs distancer. Over time the roles have been reversed.

Now my boys are in the middle of hockey play offs. MY GAL has been a failure as I am so busy with my boys' hockey schedule, I have no time to live my life. I wake up, prepare lunches for my boys, go to work, get home, prepare dinner then head off to an arena for a game or a practice.

I have had only one night in the last 10 days that I had nothing planned. What did I do? I went to my office. I did not have any work to do, I just wanted to get away from my wife. I do not want to be around her because I am afraid I will fail at detachment or have a set back.

Earlier this week I decided to join a Gym. Even though I have a well equipped work out room at home, I wanted to workout in an atmosphere where my wife is not near by. I also find it hard to motivate myself for working out, so now I take part in different workout classes at the gym. I will not tell my wife about the new gym membership. It is a place I can now go to as part of my GALing.

I apologize for rambling on so I will finally get to the point. I have done a complete 180 as far as showing affection, starting conversions, texting, phoning, saying I Love You, looking for her approval. My problem is the detachment. Its so hard while we are still living in the same home. I am looking for any advice on how to really detach while still living in the same house, sharing the same bed. Do I tell her I would appreciate that we do not share a bed and that she make other arrangements? Do I say nothing?

Its very hard being near her knowing she wants to leave, which makes it easier to do the 180, but together with my wife, we are so busy with our boys. I don't know what I can do to detach. I have read the detachment thread and would like to follow through, but I'm finding it difficult. I want so much to succeed at DBing. I feel as if I am failing.

Any help/input will be greatly appreciated.