Back on these forums again 6

[SciDad]

Mona,

Feeling anger is critical if you are going to become stronger. I'd be more worried if you weren't angry. Worried that you repressed your feelings and that they would surface later, either in this R or another.

Most people I know deal with it by finding an outlet, typically something physical - running, karate, boxing. Another way is to write down all your angriest feelings to your H and then burn it to symbolically release yourself from the anger.

[Gmum]

You decide not to let his actions influence you?
You make the choice not to make anger your narrative?

No clue, grasping for straws here.

[SciDad]

You decide not to let his actions influence you?
You make the choice not to make anger your narrative?

No clue, grasping for straws here.

I still think it's OK to be angry. The important thing is what you do with the anger. If it festers and starts making you into a hurtful person, you NEED to release it. There is a point where the anger goes away, but only after you deal with it

[Mona52]

I dont think it is anything he specifically does or does not do that angers me anymore. It is more that I am in a stage of anger about being here. I did everything right. I changed my entire self. They were lasting, permanent changes, not just temporary to save my M.

We came back together broke, and I have triple my income since then. If that jerkface would have just kept his portion of the bargain, with the job he has now, we would FINALLY be on easy street financially.

I get angry because I cannot get the stupid sofa out of the old house. It is too big for the door. He would know what to do.

I get angry because I want to text someone during the day. I cant.

I get angry because I REALLY REALLY REALLY loved dancing close to Brian. I am supposed to ONLY have feelings like that about jerkface.

I get angry because I have to be the sole person for 3 kids.

I get angry because I want to give a nice hot oil massage as much as I want to get one and I just cant.

I get angry because I am not good enough to handle all of this.

I get angry because I dont want to practice patience.

I get angry because he is so cold and indifferent.

I get angry because (I am not trying to be vain) but because I know I am better than OW can ever be.

I get angry because I feel I am funny, happy, pretty, thoughtful and intelligent. How can I not be good enough?

Most of the day I am fine. But I still feel I can work on getting rid of anger. I think the hardest part of letting the anger go is the fact that I still feel I am 100% right to be angry.

My anger does not control me much. I just know it is there and would like to work on getting rid of it so that I am a happier person.

[mahhhty]

I don't think it is a problem if you get angry. We all do. If you get angry to often or quickly or take it out on others that is a problem.

Are you angry more than you are happy? Maybe happiness is the problem and not anger.

Words from Tony Robbins.
"If you want to be more attractive make a decision to live in a beautiful state. To say, I'm not going to give up my happiness over little stuff. I'm not going to be obsessed about things I can't control. I'm going to focus on what I can control and can do. And when people are generous, when they are playful, when they are warm, when they are sincere, when they are loving. People love to be around them. There is nothing more attractive. And when someone is always bitching, always complaining, always whining, always blaming someone else, always fearful or always worried. They are a bummer to be around. Just pick it out. So what does it take to be attractive, what it really takes is appreciating your life. Most people their upsets are because their expectations aren't meet. They expect people to be a certain way, expect yourself to be a certain way, expect the government to be a certain way. And it isn't. I always tell people to trade their expectations for appreciation. And your whole life will change like that. If you can just start appreciating the people around you, appreciate this moment, appreciating the things you aren't noticing, you will live in a beautiful state. And other people will find being around you an attractive or enjoyable experience, its that simple."

[inpain]

I think all this anger you speak of must be perfectly normal Mona. I can identify with almost all of your 'things that make you angry' list.

We came back together broke, and I have triple my income since then. If that jerkface would have just kept his portion of the bargain, with the job he has now, we would FINALLY be on easy street financially. [quote]

Yep, pretty much how I feel too. We had just in the last year got to a point where we could just do and buy what we wanted without having to check the banking first. It felt great. Now I'll be lucky if I can afford anything other than the bare essentials.

I get angry because I cannot get the stupid sofa out of the old house. It is too big for the door. He would know what to do.

[quote=Mona52]I get angry because I want to text someone during the day. I cant.

OMG I am sooooo glad you put this one! This is what is getting me the most right now! I miss just being able to text him when I'm on a break at work or when one of the kids does something super cute.

I get angry because I have to be the sole person for 3 kids.

Yep! Except 2 kids for me.

I get angry because I want to give a nice hot oil massage as much as I want to get one and I just cant.

Yes, yes, yes! I have terrible back problems and now I have nobody to help me with them.

I get angry because I am not good enough to handle all of this.

I get angry because I dont want to practice patience.

I get angry because he is so cold and indifferent.

I get angry because (I am not trying to be vain) but because I know I am better than OW can ever be.

I get angry because I feel I am funny, happy, pretty, thoughtful and intelligent. How can I not be good enough?

Yes, to all of these too!

I wish I could give some golden piece of advice but I think I'm the last person in the world who would be able to give anything useful right now. Just hope it makes you feel a tiny bit better that what you're thinking/feeling, someone else is too.

[Mona52]

Thanks guys. I dont feel the anger is contriving my life in the slightest. I am almost always happy and playful. So I will just let the anger that I have alone. I need to stop borrowing problems.

The good news it that is is FINALLY Friday. It is the first normal Friday since December 18th. Finally all of my friends will be in their regular positions on the dance floor. And I can laugh and spin and wink and laugh some more with people I love and who love me.

I also get an added bonus this week. The group decided to all go bowling tomorrow. I am the world's worst bowler. I just get happy if the bowling ball goes forward and not backwards. Needless to say, I am going to have the best of the best time tomorrow. Yes, my jerkface is coming tomorrow. And I had a mini and banana ready... just kidding, I had a classy cute outfit like job suggested ready. And I will throw it all away in a heart beat if I get the opportunity to make a fool out of myself with a bowling ball.

[Gmum]

Bowling is the best.

Have fun, M. Can't wait to hear about your escapades.

[Ancaire]

I'm angry. I'm still hurt. I'm working through it, but not fast enough. I think it must be a process. I'm angry that my life is changing in a way I never wanted, thanks to H. I'm angry because I'm going to struggle, thanks to H.

I think the only way I'm really going to move past it, is when I get to the point I'm not struggling. I'm happy with my new life. There's more, but I think the point I'm trying to make is I think the anger is helping me move forward, but it sure is making it hard for me to be friends with an ungrateful H. The man is divorcing me! What does he expect?

I try not to think about it most of the time. I may try the suggestion of writing it all out and burning it...I may have to do that over and over again. If you see a fire that has taken over central Texas, you'll know I was burning my anger!

Have fun! I can hardly wait to hear about your weekend.

[Mona52]

Hi guys!

That was unbelievable. I just realized what I did last night. I was so happy to get out to my normal Friday again that I did not think of H all night. This was the first time I did not stop once during the night and wish he could share the fun with me.

The band played 3 sets. Our group usually leave after 2 sets to have breakfast. The band was so great we stayed all three sets.

It was funny, I got up and danced the first song with my group and during the song, Brian worked his way over and manuvered himself so that he cut me off from my group. He danced only with me the first set, and he was by my chair before the second set started so no one else could dance with me. I cant tell you how amazing that feels.

I think he thought I was leaving the third set because he had a skinny blond ready and danced with her the whole third set. I was 100% OK with that. I even saw his hands wandering over her and felt a tiny bit relieved that he was not getting attached to me to much. I danced and laughed with my friends. OMG, they played alot of oldies, CCR, the beatles etc, but the last song they played was Metallica! I was whipping my head and hair all over the place, lol. For those who may not know, Metallica is a head banging group, so you bang your head when they play.

We went to breakfast after and we had the best time. I laughed the whole way through. In 4 hours we will be all together at the bowling alley, and we are all going to my friends house after to bar-b-que some bacon wrapped shrimp with mozzarella cheese. My poor waist line.

I was not going to tell you all this, but there is no reason to hide stuff here. I cant get help and support if I hide things, just be nice, ok?

I am having fun, but it is only Fridays and sometimes Sundays. I am incredibly incredibly lonely. I did 2 things last night... I flirted with a man who is in a ton of pain himself, It was the smallest, tiniest flirt. And I did not even flirt, I responded when he flirted. It was my sis's husband. She is killing him right now. She tells him she wants a divorce but she loves him in one breath and in the next she tells him how she is going to commit suicide. They have 4 small children at home. Neither of them work. He is a recovering alcoholic. Their son died when he was 7 months old and this man lost it and still has not been able to pull himself together.

He has been one of my best friends since I met him. He was my rock the first time I DB'ed. I want to be his friend now that he is going through his own he||, like he was for me when I was in mine. But I know I cannot, cannot cannot ever use flirting as a way of communicating with him. Just to be clear, it was a tiny flirt. I would feel comfortable showing the text to my sis or my children. It was not bad. But to me, I almost crossed a line and it was because I was just so happy someone in the world texted me.

But then it got worse...

As I was driving home at 1:30 am, Chris texted me. I did not ignore him, but I texted back. I chatted with him through text messages for 2 hours. He is not dating anyone right now, but there is no way I can believe that nonsense. It just felt really good to chat and I used him to get rid of my loneliness. I really think the next time he sends me a text I should tell him that he cannot text me anymore. I just have to find a way to make loneliness my friend and coexists with it.

Ready for the 2 x 4's...