So the first item on your list to change is being a worrying and anxious person.These are actually signs our subconscious is trying to help up but it is in a unhealthy way. Worrying does not change anything so yes it is a good place to start.

You are v hard on yourself too. You have admitted past behaviours you are not happy with. Stop beating yourself up over the past. Learn from it and move on. That can be no 2.

I am trying to help, not criticize.

R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together