A couple more interactions between me and xw. Both went very well. I coughed, and she noticed that I still have this cold type sickness that I have had over 2 months now. Seems that she is starting to pay a bit of attention. May be nothing... boys told me about her new tv, and she quickly explained that she used her Christmas money to buy it. Not sure why she needed to tell me that. Told me about S8 bday party, which was a way of inviting me, I think. It's a sleepover with tons of kids at a gymnastics place we rented last year. She will probably want help.
S8 was talking to me 2 days ago, and said that he wished we would get back together this month, but he would settle for next year. I love my kids. I didn't really say anything promoting or denying his feelings. (I wish the same things, I'm just not as patient!) Then last night when I was talking about building, they were all excited. But, S8 asked me how long I planned on living in the new place. I told him I wasn't sure. He said "mommy will probably never leave her house though." I think he's afraid that if I build a new place, that will prevent any future r. I think it would be a great idea, to start fresh. That is with xw or whoever I end up with.
Here's a little bit of crazy. We are getting along well. Better than the entire last year, since the legal part is done. Part of me thinks that this is best. Less stress. Helps lead toward r. Part of me is freaked out because we are getting along better since we are now d. I don't want her to feel that things are better and never want to R, but I want to show her what things could be like if we did. Any thoughts on that?
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
