I did feel a lot better after I emptied that one drawer. But it was really stressful too. I could feel my heart pounding and feel myself starting to get panicky as well.
But it's something that I definitely need to do.
I'm starting to put together a text reply to my H, and an email reply to one of my (also one of his) bosses.
I'm thinking of including the following information in his text:
* Thank you for your messages * Of course, I'd be more than happy to help out in arranging the return of all of your personal possessions and documents to you [additional note for you guys: I'm saying this for legal reasons, so I appear 'reasonable'] * I'd ask you to be specific in the things you need at a particular point in time (I've been a bit confused by exactly what you need over the past few messages) * I'd ask you to let me know where they are * Please arrange collection as per outlined previously * For future reference: I'm not willing to use a meeting that I had arranged with one of my previous employers to discuss my own future and options to resolve any of your own work-related issues.
And for my boss...this one is trickier. This is a someone that we've both worked for in the past. I have tremendous respect for her, and she's always been very supportive of me. I think she's always clocked that I've been very much in my H's shadow.
* Apologies for not replying sooner, but I've been quite ill * Of course, I'm very happy to help with xxx's passport - on this occasion * If I could ask that in future you deal with xxxx directly about any matters pertaining to his life and work (and not to involve or defer to me). This is no longer xxx's 'home' [note for you guys: Reading her email to me again, she said that it had taken it some time to for him to come clean about his passport being still at 'home'] * Any sense of responsibility or obligation that I may have had towards him stopped when he decided to walk out the door [additional note for you guys: is this bit necessary? I was thinking of letting her know that the split was his doing and not mine. But I don't know. Maybe too much information? Maybe just what I'd written above about this no longer being his 'home' is enough?]
Hi focus22. Don't send anything right away. Wait for input from the vets around here.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
IMO, I don't think you should say much to the boss at all, except how you'll facilitate return of the passport. It sounds like you're dying to say more and are hoping she'll ask. It doesn't matter what the boss thinks of you or H right now. I'd not give her any information about it not being his house. You're setting boundaries with her (I'd ask that in the future you deal directly with H...) when in actuality I doubt she needs to hear that.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I'm thinking of including the following information in his text:
* Thank you for your messages * Of course, I'd be more than happy to help out in arranging the return of all of your personal possessions and documents to you [additional note for you guys: I'm saying this for legal reasons, so I appear 'reasonable'] * I'd ask you to be specific in the things you need at a particular point in time (I've been a bit confused by exactly what you need over the past few messages) * I'd ask you to let me know where they are * Please arrange collection as per outlined previously
Actually thought of something to add in here: * For your current reference: I don't have a specific date and time lined up with xxx for a meeting
Originally Posted By: focus22
* For future reference: I'm not willing to use a meeting that I arrange with one of my previous employers to discuss my own future and options to resolve any of your own work-related issues.
When my WAW started using language like "as per" in emails, it drove me crazy. So cold. Why is he getting things piecemeal, and not all at once?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Because I've been working 50/60 hours a week during December, with only 2 days off (Christmas day and new years day).
Because I'm now back to running my own business and have a ton of work to catch up on.
Because I now have my tax return to concentrate on.
Because I also have my CV to update to send to temping agencies.
Because he's going off to work in the States from the start of February to the start of May, and that's when I was thinking of getting rid of all of his stuff.
Because that is the timeline that suits me best.
I also didn't say that was the exact wording I was going to include in my text to him. That's the essence of what I'm going to say.
And, I'd also add he was the one who decided to have the affair and leave. My emotions are for me only now, and for whoever I choose to share them with. I don't particularly care if me using 'as per' sounds cold and might upset him, or drive him crazy, or whatever. I'm not interested, I'm really not. I'm much happier focusing on myself.
Sorry if that is all super blunt and to the point. I'm running a it short of time today...need to run out the door soon.
I get it. I guess I wondered why he can't just come and get all of his stuff?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Oh, I see. Big trash bags work well in those situations. I just fear that the longer his stuff is in your house, the harder it will be for you. And it's a burden for you since you are so busy. I know it's all still raw for you, especially that the OW is confirmed so recently. Do you really want him gone? Do you really not care how he interprets your text? I'm sure you'll get some good advice soon. Hold off on sending anything 'til then.
Last edited by NYGal; 01/08/1612:24 PM.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
