I just realized that I haven't really posted on my own thread since my counseling appointment on Wednesday. It didn't go well and my counselor basically thinks that I should just move on with my life and give up on H. That being said, I don't really care if my therapist likes my H or not. I love him and am not giving up yet. Even if it's what is better for me, I'm just not ready to give up on him. I had made a Dr appointment for my H that is today. Had to pull some strings to get the appointment with this particular Dr but I got it done. My plan was to go to H house on Wednesday to tell him of the appt so he wouldn't be surprised when he got the call to confirm it.
I went to his house on Wednesday and planned to go in and have him hurt my feelings, tell him about the appointment and have him refuse, then leave upset. Some of that happened, but not like I thought it would. He was actually friendly. Don't get me wrong, not in an IMMW (I Miss My Wife) kind of way, but he didn't roll his eyes when I walked in. I sat down and he started talking to me about the TV show that was on. So, I talked to him and just tried to enjoy it while it lasted because I knew it would be the last time for a long time....or ever. He did ask if I worked the night before (not my normal night to work)) so I guess he drove by and noticed I wasn't home. When he started talking about needling to take a bath I told him that I needed to go anyway. I then reminded him of our conversation last week when I told him I was going to make the appointment. Then, to my surprise, he actually AGREED TO GO SEE THE DOCTOR!!! That's HUGE for him! Of course, I know that doesn't mean that he will take medication if ordered by the Dr, but at least he will go. I told him that I hate to see him in pain and that I want him to be happy even if it isn't with me. I told him that I am glad that he's willing to reach out and take the help. Then, I asked him if he is still uncomfortable with me being at his house visiting. He thought about it for a minute and then said yes so I then told him that I would respect his wishes and not come over, call, text, etc any more. I told him that wasn't what I wanted because I want to be his wife, but that I would stay away because I didn't want to make things harder for him or cause him pain. I told him that I was just going to work on fixing myself and that I am not moving on at this point because I still want to be married to him, but that I will not wait forever. Then, of course, I did all the wrong things. I hugged him, gave him a kiss (nothing passionate), looked right into his eyes as I held his face in my hands and told him that I love him and hope that he feels better soon. I then told him goodbye and left. I had tears in my eyes, but didn't breakdown into a full disgustingly ugly sob until I was safely in my car with the door shut. I know I shouldn't have touched him or any of that at the end, but I'm okay with it because I left knowing that he at least knows that I'm not in contact because I'm respecting HIS wishes, not because it's what I want. And, I left knowing that he knows I love him and want him to be okay. He had tears in his eyes as well but said nothing. It hurt, but I didn't expect anything.
I allowed myself to cry and sob hysterically until I got to my sister's house which is about 5 min away. I then wiped my tears and went into her house and told her that we were going to town and she needed to drive. On the way to town I told her that I needed to GAL and that I've never had one so I didn't know how to do it so it was her job to show me. LOL. What are sisters for? She drove me to a coffee bar (I don't drink coffee but they had great smoothies!) and we sat there for about 2 hrs and talked. Then, went back to her house and played cards. Not the most exciting thing, but it got me out of the house and I was able to calm down. She told me next time to give her more notice and she would come up with something better. I told her I was free again the next day! LOL.
I have actually only been back on the 180 with no contact for 1 day now, and I miss him so much, but I actually feel al little better. Not a LOT, but a little. Not sure why. Maybe because I TOLD HIM that I won't be coming over or trying to contact him so it took the pressure off of me to talk myself out of reaching out to him. I really hope he goes to his appointment and that he agrees to take medication, finds his mind soon, and then begs me to forgive him and take him back, then spends the rest of his life trying to make me happy. Hey, a girl can dream can't she?
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Has anyone on here ever had a spouse in the midst of a MLC that started taking antidepressants or antianxiety medications? Did it help them? Did they find their way back to sanity and their spouse quicker because of the medication? Would love some thoughts on that.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Lots of people will tell you to move on and find happiness. While that's certainly good advice to a certain extent, only you really know what goes on in your M. You don't have to give up just yet, IMHO. Keep dreaming and hoping for the quick turnaround. You never know.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
It amazes me how fast everyone thinks you should just get over it and move on. I mean, we've been married almost 10 years and this has only been going on for 3 months. Seriously? Throw everything away so quickly? I just can't change gears that fast!
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Well, H did go to actually go to Dr appt today. Hopefully it went well and he got the help he needed. I do realize that even if he got on an antidepressant or whatever, he won't see any results for weeks....then, he will still have his MLC to deal with, not to mention that there's no guarantee that he will want to be with me when it's all said and done. Still, I do love him and want him to feel better and not be in such turmoil. I hope this will help bring him out of his depression, anxiety, and panic attacks, etc so he can think more clearly and make better decisions. And, no, I haven't broken my no contact with him. Today starts day number three. Been trying to stay busy and not think about him which seems to be as easy as ignoring an elephant sitting in the middle of the living room in my apartment. Stil using the "fake it till you make it" approach and hoping it will begin to get easier soon.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Has anyone on here ever had a spouse in the midst of a MLC that started taking antidepressants or antianxiety medications? Did it help them? Did they find their way back to sanity and hopefully their spouse quicker because of the medication? Would love some thoughts on that.
I posted this question a couple of days ago but no one responded to it. Does anyone have any experience with this? Or, maybe just some thoughts? I know that an antidepressant wont' automatically fix things, and that it doesn't guarantee that the WAS will want to come back into the marriage. I was just looking for opinions or anyone with experience with this. Thanks.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
MB - I'll be watching this thread closely to see if AD's have any effect on MLC. So far, I've not heard of any successes - but I think that's mainly because the MLCer refuses to believe they're depressed and wouldn't take AD's. They usually feel great, because they're having an A. Why would they think they're depressed?
It will get easier soon, I promise. Not great, but easier. It helps to do what you're doing - reaching out to others, work on yourself, and "fake it 'til you make it".
You have 6 children? Any of them twins? I have 5. H was married before and had 2. I had 1. We married, and then had twins. They were all ours through adoption, so yeah...they're all mine! LOL
We had the happiest, closest family until recently. We just had our first grandchild, whom I adore. My grandmother name is "Grammie" I like it (chose it actually) - It's a bit old-fashioned, but I think it's warm and fuzzy feeling. You know, "I wants Gwammie to howd me." LOL Perfect, right?
I have asked it twice and yours is the only response. I'm guessing that there won't be any comments on it. . Was hoping to start a discussion about it to see if I could learn more but doesn't look like it.
I am waiting for it to get easier. I know eventually it will, it has to. I seem to be better during the day and it gets really hard at night. I think that's pretty normal though. One of my main obstacles seems to be that I don't have anyone to do anything with. I mean, I can go hang out with my nearly 70yr old mom, or my sister and her family, but that's about it. ALL of my friends are married middle aged women that just don't go out much. My life is depressing enough without having to go sit at a movie by myself , or go out to eat by myself, or whatever. I know, I know, someone is going to tell me to go out and find new friends. That's easier said than done for me. I am a bit on the quiet and shy side and just am not the one to get out there and talk to people I don't know! Sure wish I could though.
Well, not sure where I'm going, but guess I'm going to get out there in a few minutes after I drag myself away from this list. . Hope everyone is having a great day!
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
It amazes me how fast everyone thinks you should just get over it and move on. I mean, we've been married almost 10 years and this has only been going on for 3 months. Seriously? Throw everything away so quickly? I just can't change gears that fast!
Im amazed too! Everyone seems to think just go out there a meet someone else. There seem to be a lot of separated people out there dating. I think they are skipping the pain & growth and i dont believe it will be better with someone just different.
. Was hoping to start a discussion about it to see if I could learn more but doesn't look like it.
. Hope everyone is having a great day!