Happy New Year all! I've been so busy and things were a bit crazy, but I'm back to the normal grind. And school. Ugh.
A lot has happened, I won't get into too many details, by me and BF hit a hue bump in the road and it almost ended. It didn't but it's clear the distance ay not be something he can handle in the long run. I get it too. We did get over our almost breakup and went on to have a lovely Christmas just me and him and then he met D8 that weekend and it went great. I couldn't have asked for it to have gone better. Then we spent New years together and our D's met and that went really really well. I was pretty nervous for that, but they clicked great. We spent the whole weekend there, went to the hotel at the beach for one night and us and the kids had a blast. I can't begin to tell you how wonderful it felt to experience that, all four of us. We booked and finalized our plans for FL in feb for all four of us. We are all really excited.
But now we don't see eachother for a few weeks. And I don't know how he is going to deal. How I can deal if he distances himself. Or decides he can't do this. I mean, I know I have survived it all. I will deal. But I can't say my heart won't be broken. I just don't know how much hope we have. We see differently right now in the time being what the plan would be if I moved there. And I am standing firm on the way it should happen if it does when and if we get to that point. We had a talk and we are going to give it a shot and see what happens and take it day by day. But sometimes I just don't know. Sometimes it just seems so unfair that I waited so long to find this kind of love and it's probably logistically not going to work. Life isn't fair though, and I get that. I will be fine, but I don't see my heart going through this again.
I know its my fault because I allowed myself to get in a long distance R. With someone coming out of another long term R and living on his own for the first time and with someone having no intentions of having an R. I'd like to think if there was enough love, then it would work itself out. But I know it really doesn't work that way.
I needed that vent. I often speak with my IC regarding this, and she is very supportive and keeps me on track. She keeps me real with myself, which has always been a bit of an issue with me. She knows I am a survivor and she thinks I am a rather healthy individual and she truly believes if not with this one, I shouldn't resign myself to a life of lonliness because she thinks I have a lot to offer to a healthy R.
Sometimes though, I think if this doesn't work out, I'd rather stay single until D8 is out of the house......
