WAW - Detaching is the Hardest Thing

[Zues126]

For me the love of my spouse is more than the love of my parents - is that wrong? Or is it a different kind of love?

Parents give you roots and they give you wings, then they set you free to live your own life.

A spouse you entwine your life with, learning to meet each others needs in so many ways. Man and woman are a perfect fit for each other if we can follow God's will.

It's totally natural to feel this way. Just don't mistake neediness for love. They are both feelings, but they are both different feelings.

GAL. Detach. Learn to meet your needs elsewhere. You'll suddenly stop feeling the feelings you think of as love towards her. Because suddenly instead of being this magical fairie that can fulfill your needs, she will be an emotionally immature girl that broke up your family. I'm not saying you'll hate or resent her, but the magic that makes her different from other women will fade, and she will be ordinary.

That doesn't mean you don't love her. It just means you aren't needy.

Love would be continuing to act lovingly to her despite your neediness. Feeling loving because you are either having your needs met or trying to is one thing. Acting in loving ways to someone based on your commitment is another.

Of course, if she leaves the M then you can both let the feelings AND behavior fade.

Don't let fear of losing those feelings hold you back from detaching. They can come back if it's appropriate.

And don't beat yourself up about slips. It isn't hurting the M as much as you think, that's pretty much gone anyway. It's just hurting you. And if it helps you let go, and you detach because of it, and you then feel better sooner, and you give your WAW a chance to go on her journey undisturbed...then that mistake might have been a blessing.

Ramblings from a loopy tired zues...