A very good friend of mine from HS, went to college with as well, got married at the same time, used the same pastor!, has just informed me last month he and his wife filed for D. She found a bi-sexual 53 year old (she's 40), and decided that he's her soulmate. A sexual abuse in her teens came back in a flood of memories for her, and it's like a circuit blew in her brain, returning her to her youth. Acting like 19 years old, changed clothes, didn't want to be around the kids, and felt like she no longer wanted her life. So, a perfect MLC, right?
Him and I have been encouraging each other, since we have very similar beliefs, and that marriages can be saved. I've pointed him here, and he's pointed me in other great directions. He had a bad night, and I got to see my wife post a new FB pic, in which everyone asked "Wow, you look different", and her response is "I'm finally happy". PUKE. It's just WW script, so I know better, but it did make my feelings of anger a little more pronounced. Then I came back to these forums, read more, talked with my friend, and got in a better mood before I got home.
It's been 3 straight days of essentially no conversations. We did have a quick email about D14 who isn't doing a voluntary basketball practice with the HS fresh girl's team - too much crap going on at home, as my wife said.
My response - 'OK'.
We'll probably HAVE to talk tomorrow - we're running out of food in the house, and I usually go. I probably will go, but should I ask her what she wants?
The lonely hasn't set in yet. I'm a little surprised. I'm back to thinking we can save the marriage, but only with my wife really getting some therapy and help. For too long our relationship was expressed with my wife saying she was unhappy, and that I was ok with everything. That's changed, and I now see I was playing video games, staying late at work, being a couch potato, looking at porn to dull the pain that I was feeling inside. I was so into trying to read my wife, and her constant bitterness, and trying to figure out HER.
It's not my job. My job is to make sure my homefire is stoked and going strong.
No papers served yet. No response from wife, but I didn't expect it yet. She's on the EA high - way high - she made the choice, and it was her new man, not me. The church thing is going to really bother her, as days move on.
How do you tell someone, teach someone, to love themselves? You don't, but does she have to hit rock bottom to start the process?
She's not suicidal, and on anxiety meds, so I don't think she could get too depressed, but she is now working out 6 days a week, and has lost weight, trying to most likely get the rush of the endorphines going, as well as look better for her affair partner, as well as to escape a bit. It's the one thing I'm actually completely on board with... just can't tell her anymore.
I get the urge to talk to her. I also have the urge to be passive-aggressive with her, which is how we communicated our feelings in the past.
I have resisted that urge for 3 days.
Gotta get this achilles fixed - pissed that I cannot run anymore. I might join the planet fitness down the road, $10/mo, just so I could get some bike cardio in, and maybe some weights.
Anyone have any suggestions on how to rewire your brain? Asking for a friend.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
