Hi Lisa- I am new here, and have not yet posted my story, but felt the need to comment on yours. WOW our stories are so similar. In a nutshell, I discovered my husband's affair 9/11/15, which had been going on since May 2014, although the physical part of it started a bit later...he thinks September 2014. In any event, like you, I discovered it on his iPad, which I never had looked at until that day. I'll save the gory details for a different thread, but after LOTS of talking and uncovering, it turns out he had really fallen for her--a 30 year old Russian girl (he is 51). He had rented her an apartment in Chelsea for $7k per month, had purchased expensive bags, shoes, lingerie, and dresses and taken her only to the best restaurants NYC could offer. However, he agreed this did not have the staying power our 24 year old marriage does, and so we marched ourselves straight into marriage counseling (where we had been 8 years earlier for a previous affair). We had really fixed things then, and for many years following, our marriage was picture perfect. Until it wasn't anymore. Anyway it took him 3 weeks to end things with her, which he did on 10/1/15. But unbeknownst to me, he marched himself into Best Buy on 10/2/15 (the next day) and purchased a cheap phone for the sole purpose of communicating with her. He proceeded to continue an EA, for the next 7 weeks until I found the phone on our family vacation in the Caribbean. There were all kinds of texts and emails to each other as will as naked selfies she had sent him while we were on vacation. When we returned home, he decided to really end things for good and he did on 12/1/15. However over many hours of conversation on 12/3, I pressed him hard and asked him if he thought we should get divorced and he reluctantly said yes, that he already missed her and saw divorce as the only option. On 12/4, I went to see a couple of friends who had been through a similar situation and got the names of their divorce attorneys and he went to see her to tell her we are getting divorced. Over that weekend, he panicked and BEGGED me for one week, to openly see her, and tell me about their meetings (not physical) and "see it for what it really is" in the hopes that he could get over her for good. I agreed, but also consulted with the 2 different lawyers to get a good picture of what my side would look like after all of this. He spent that week seeing her for lunch and visits to the apartment and talking and texting with her, but filling me in every step of the way. Part way through that week, he sat me down and fully explained the nature of the relationship, start to finish. He told me how it was awkward at first, how she started demanding expensive gifts and dinners, outings on our family boat, and even to join him on a business trip to the Bahamas. He continued that week to see her but started telling me that I am "on the inside now" and she is on the outside. We went for a marriage counseling session that Monday, and Tuesday 12/15 he went over there and dropped a bomb on her that it was over for good. He took his laptop from her apartment and left. So here we are. I am fully aware that this could easily blow up on me, but I have also gotten my head around the reality of divorce. After 4 long, hard months of torture, I have decided to take my life back and GAL! If he wants to crush his kids (19, 17 and 14) who he loves along with his wife who he as built a life with, then that is his idiotic decision. In the meantime, we are seeing our therapist once per week and hoping for the best. Please let me know if you ever need to talk or go GAL together. It's rough going for sure!
I am sorry that you are finding your way back to this website again.
Feelings of mistrust and suspicion are not healthy in your marriage. You are smart not to believe any of what he says and only 1/2 of what he does at this point.
I may feel good to think about contacting the OW, but don't. Karma will catch up with her, right?!
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