I know I have to "let her go" eventually. I just can't fathom being in a different country than her. What if something happened and I'm 15 hours away etc. But it's just that it's weird for me to think that one day she will be 10 years old. By then I could deal with him taking her away. Also, I'm probably just a little jealous. I don't know that I will ever be able to take her on fun vacations and to Disney world and stuff like that. I get to do the daily grind and parenting, he gets to swoop in like the fun uncle.
I get to do the daily grind and parenting, he gets to swoop in like the fun uncle.
I still cant handle this part. I get to punish and force homework. But he gets to take them to the movies. Okay, he has not taken them to the movies, but he COULD. He never has to wash their clothes, or cook dinner, after buying it, after planning it, just to hear them say they dont like it.
I have no words of wisdom here because it svcks. And it will never get better.
I lied, there is a way I get through this when I get mad. I forgot I used to do this.
Whenever I think H gets the fun stuff and I have to scrub the bathroom floor, make my S's bed, vacuum my D room, make my D read her science book, take the dog for a walk in the cold...
I rethink that whole sentence but i change one word first.
Whenever I think H gets the fun stuff and I GET to scrub the bathroom floor, make my S's bed, vacuum my D room, make my D read her science book, take the dog for a walk in the cold.
I get to do all of this with my magical family and he does not.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Ladies the way I see it is that they will be doing fun things with their dad, but think about it seriously : who is taking care of kids everyday? Who is helping them on a daily basis? Who gives then cuddles and dry their tears everyday?
They will have fun but when they are older they'll realise that the only person that was there for them through thick and thin is US their mother. They won't see it now but I promise you that when they'll be older they will see what our H really are and who they could rely on!
That's what my friends say too. That when she's a teenager she'll be upset with him. I'm just worried she'll think I took her away from her dad, not that he kinda made me. Regardless, I do see it as a privilege to be there parent who is there for everything. I read an interesting essay a while back about quality time vs quantity. Basically it said that you can schedule quality time, but you cannot schedule when a person is willing to open up and articulate what is on their mind. You have to be there at the right time for that. These things tend to happen spontaneously. I'm not explaining it very well, hope you can still make sense of it.
Aw man. Did she say it after your H left? He came by tonight (went ok, I guess) but when we told D that he would come pick her up tomorrow morning and take her to this activity, she got upset and said she wanted me to go. It's pretty normal she will choose one over the other but go back and forth but she was very insisting it should be me.
Yes, she did say it after he left. I'm sure she's hurting more than she's letting on. She has hardly said anything about the whole situation and only cried a couple of times, but the last week she has been saying her tummy hurts all the time. I think it is the upset manifesting itself as tummy pain.
Bless your D. It is so unfair that they have to be passed between mum and dad like this. They didn't ask for it, we didn't ask for it. It appears the only people winning are the WASs.
Originally Posted By: Gmum
It breaks my heart knowing that soon she'll learn that he doesn't live with us anymore. This is not what I signed up for.
((((Gmum)))) No, who would sign up for it. As you say, it is just so heartbreaking. There is nothing we can do to stop their pain. I hate my H so much when I think of this.
Yes, it's quite typical for kids to have tummy aches because they can't articulate emotional pain so it becomes physical for them instead.
I'm so sorry your D has been crying over it. My D is too young to fully grasp it plus she's used to him traveling and being gone. On one hand that is a good thing, on the other I worry my H won't ever "wake up" and realize what's happening.
