Does arguing with XF makes you lose weight? If not, then forget it, it is not worth. Always think and ask yourself that if what you are doing will benefit you, if not, then let go.
Did you laugh? You said you have some sarcastic humor, I have that too, and I kind of enjoy it.
Well, the play date fell through. Her youngest isn't feeling well. The kids and I went for a walk and hit the park for a bit.
No contact with X since my last idiotic move.
I can't make any R goals right now. It just seems unrealistic to do so, he seems so far removed from me. But I have made some personal goals and have started a list of things I would like to do with the kids as well.
So proud of you Rain, I think at the moment the focus should be on us to regain our strength and confidence. Then only then we can set goals for R. It's how I see it for me!
Thanks Rouky...I just want to stop hurting so much when he does or doesn't do something. Baby steps. I know. You sound better! I'm happy for you. have to come around and catch up with everyone.
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
I completely understand how you feel as it's the same for me and I'm further down the line. I wish I could offer you some advice, but I'm lost at the moment. Hang in there. We will get through this :-)
Well, the play date fell through. Her youngest isn't feeling well. The kids and I went for a walk and hit the park for a bit.
No contact with X since my last idiotic move.
I can't make any R goals right now. It just seems unrealistic to do so, he seems so far removed from me. But I have made some personal goals and have started a list of things I would like to do with the kids as well.
Bless you Rain. Well done for making some personal goals. I need to learn from you. From reading your last few posts we seem to be at very similar stages in our struggles. I haven't managed to set any goals at all. I really admire how you manage to pull yourself back up each time.
Inpain, I'm sorry you're going through this too. It's so hard. And thanks for saying you can learn anything from me. I feel like I'm making everything worse.
But we keep going. What else is there to do right.
I hope you're having a better day.
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
Hey Rain, I've been a bit distracted with my book writing on Julie's thread...but I got caught up.
Pink's advice is awesome.
My only tidbit is this...before responding to any text or email...I would meditate for 15 minutes, then pray for 5. I would meditate to find the center, be the mountain, aware of all of the storms but not defined or impacted, just breathing, then just being. Then when things had slowed down, I'd pray for strength, pray to be able to see things through God's eyes, pray that I could overcome my neediness and attachment, and that ultimately I would channel my best self in my response.
Without fail my responses were spot on. I have all of my emails, I've read through them, I never regretted anything I said. When it comes to texts and emails, they should be like the free square in Bingo...no mistakes are allowed. Just make it a priority.
The best part is that it just helps you start to feel more balanced and see things more clearly. You're not doing it for him, you're doing it for your marriage, but also for you. Pretty soon you just know how to respond. I just posted on my thread about a text exchange with XW. It was easier than ever, I didn't have to mediate or pray, just breathed deep, and it flowed. Partly because I'm divorced and more detached, partly because I put in 18 months of practice and it felt like she hurt her hand punching my 6 pack abs. So start doing this now, it's like working out.
Calls are tougher, so keep them minimal. But still, if you do this work, and if you prepare the same way, you should be just fine if you keep them short.
Bottom line, the biggest thing is to change yourself so you don't have to 'act', but preparing for these calls forces you to find your best self and help the act become real much faster.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Just to add that depending where you are, there may be laws that gives you the right for alimony just because you can prove you have been living together for X years.
Check that with a lawyer sweetie, it's for your own good. You may not need a D decree to have those rights, it's just the law to protect people that are not married legally but are in a solid long term R.
Information is money, so get that going, get informed.
And Rain, Pink is not that strong, I struggle a lot, now I cry sometimes, but I used to cry all the time. I don't think that anyone that comes to this board is not hurting badly.
And I still need to work on a lot of stuff. It's only now that I feel letting go.
I guess you get to a point of no more hope sometimes. Some folks here did reconcile, but some don't, and I feel now that in my situation there is not much to fight for anymore.
But that is now, after 17 months of many mistakes, a lot of pain and tears, that I am letting go. It takes time to adjust.
I think that your situation has a lot of hope, you just need to keep working hard.
