Hurricane Rising

[NateG79]

Okay, what would you change in there to better express that? Or any rough drafts. The truth dart that my coach recommended, is that I do state that I don't care for her illicit relationships, and that's it's unattractive to me, as feeling attractive is a big thing for her right now.

[Drew]

"After thinking about our conversation the other night, I hear that you are in emotional turmoil. I get it. I believe that keeping up our little friendly texts just keeps the wound open longer. I understand that you are not interested in having me as a husband, and I can respect that, and so I'm not going to attempt to keep up the obligations, emotions, or actions anymore that would indicate that's what I want. I think we both need to step back, and not talk to each other unless it includes coordinating things with our daughter. We both need time to focus on ourselves. I know you stated that text was an accident the other night, but I just don't believe that. If your need is to continue illicit dating, I won't be a part of that. I'm not interested in an open marriage, and quite frankly it's very unattractive to me, and provides me no motivation to pursue any kind of relationship. I'm sorry if this seems abrupt. I think it's necessary to do this, and maybe in a few weeks we can re-address and see what we want to do moving forward. I appreciate you giving me a chance to express this. From now on my conversations with you will be limited to coordinating things with our daughter."

[NateG79]

Lol, so basically everything my coach had told me to say. Well, that's interesting.

[Drew]

You've got a lot of assumptions, judgments, and emotions in the long version that won't go over very well right now.

Short and sweet.

[NateG79]

Hmmmm, I guess that makes sense. She had recommended the loving detachment and rope dropping, but I guess giving her the least amount of info to smash me with is better.

[NateG79]

Still racking my brain for a good way to articulate this message. W tried to temp check me earlier by sending me some picture of herbalife stuff saying it would help "us" (maybe a typo) to control eating and was packed full of protein. Lol, I have no problem controlling eating. I've lost 33 lbs. and leaned out. Also texted me that she had gone to OBgyn today and wasn't feeling very good. I simply responded with an ok. Where I'm running into the issue with my text is that I'm saying "i'm not okay with an open marriage, and these illicit relationships are very unattractive to me." Sandi says that if you SAY something like that, you must be prepared to back it up with something. Also, another tough thing is that we go to tumbling once a week together. Should we just schedule it to be where only 1 of us is with her on rotating weeks? Also, we call each other at night, only to say goodnight to D2. No conversations between each other. Trying to get the best detachment possible. I need to delete her off snapchat as well.

[NateG79]

Good day with D2. Played lots, sang, danced, threw balls. Watching Larry Crowne as we speak. Planning a vacation for the end of the month with a couple of friends to go to Dallas (6 hours away) to see my old guitar player's band play a big show. VERY excited for that. Still thinking on a good way to put my text. Didn't hear from W tonight when putting D2 down for bed, which was actually a relief for me.

[Painter]

Glad you had a good day with D!

I wonder about this text. First of all, how do you know for certain that A#1 is over? They could potentially have gone underground? Affairs are highly addictive... and you know addicts are not easily scared off.

Also, could you say some more about the temp checking texts WW sent?

[NateG79]

Well, I know this because his pastor is in very deep counseling with him and his wife, to talk through their marriage issues. This guy is very much not onboard to have the affair exposed to his wife. The pastor has contacted me twice, and has had more than one confessional and counseling with him since. Also, OM#1 mentioned that wife had begun "mentioning" another man in conversations with him. A person I know. Currently going through divorce, with kids. See, my wife is very much suspected to be bipolar. She engages in risky behavior at times, she's terrible at maintaining relations with other people, has a LOT of social anxiety. Any good friendship she's had, she's burned every bridge. She has very self-destructive tendencies. As for man #1, he doesn't love her, he just got sucked in, he's very immature for 35. But he didn't like the idea of what would happen to him if exposed the affair to his wife. His wife would take him to the cleaners. I don't hear many AP's that have a conscience and reach out to the betrayed spouse. And his Deacon at his catholic church is very much involved at this point.

My wife has had many addiction problems in the past. She's a victim of molestation from her birth father (or so she says). She's abused pain killers, mood pills, alcohol. You name it, she's abused it. She's also an adulation junkie, and she doesn't know what boundaries are. If anyone shows her even the slightest of attention, she doesn't seem to understand that that's people simply being nice. She's very manipulative, and always has been. She used to play her parents off of each other to get what she wants. She's had a pattern.

As to the text, 2 nights ago, she texted me to let me know she was putting down D2. I called to say goodnight. 2 minutes later I get a text saying "OK baby". 20 minutes later she replies that she accidentally turned on voice texting and it sent that while she was putting D2 to bed. Now, I worked in the cell phone industry for 5 years. I know how cell phones work up, down, sideways, and backwards. It's not possible for a phone to "accidentally" open up a contact, turn on voice recognition, dictate a message and send it to said contact. You have to either instruct it to where it's going to be sent, or you physically have to send the text button. When I confronted her about it, she immediately got defensive, and then jumped into a spew about how she felt it was unfair that I had people to vent and talk to while being broken hearted, and her heart was already broken, and now it was shattered, and how much emotional turmoil she's in. How even though she betrayed me, I betrayed her in many ways. Basically justifying herself again, and putting me down. Seems like a screen to me, to keep me unbalanced to the evidence that that text was meant for someone else.

quick edit: forgot to mention that this new person, she has admitted has come to her home to "talk". She said she needed someone that was neutral to talk to. I know this guy, he's a radio DJ, in his 40's, and has had a thing for her since she was 17. He's going through a divorce atm, and would probably jump at the chance to get with her. And considering she's probably going through withdrawals from A, and how quickly she decides she's "in love", it's not out of the realm of imagination that she would immediately jump into something else to keep that high going.

[NateG79]

As to the temp checking, sometimes she'll just send me a random snapchat, or tell me about something random, like how she's just bored at work, and things to try to suck me into conversations. Today, it was to send me a pic of some herbalife supplement that apparently gives you lots of protein, and lowers your need to eat lots. I've lost 33 lbs. on my own, and in fantastic shape atm. Just little things like that, that seems like it's built to get me to respond, keep me somewhat hanging on.