I made a terrible mistake when I got married, for what ever reason I decided to not say I love you until after sex with my W. I thought this would open the door to sex and W would want it all the time. I know now how stupid that was. How controlling that was and manipulative. I shouldn't have don't it and would never do that again.
Sex is a big deal for me and when it faded the input I got was she thought it was a phase for me I would get over it. She wanted me to just go back to how I lived before marriage. But I was a virgin and she was my first, and it just opened up a whole new world for me that I didn't want to close. I did get obsessed about it, I couldn't even look at my W with out wanting it. And if it was a back rub, I wanted more than that. I realize now that I needed to have some control but the desire was too great. I couldn't touch my W with out wanting sex. Soon she didn't want me to touch her because of that.
Now I am with out sex for seven months and I never thought I could live with out it. I always thought if it got to this point I would have moved on to another woman for the companionship. I don't know if its love for my W that I am still here or that I am so co dependent that I cant let go. If I do feel I am letting go I find I am looking for another woman to hang on to. This limbo is a terrible place to be.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
