Dear Zues, I hear you - and I know I need to really hear this. Most of the time I *can* see past it, but there are moments when it feels like he (and you) don't think my feelings matter at all. That none of this matters & it should just be dismissed. I also know that is not what is intended (right?). Again, I have confessed my part in this - that I did all those things you've said and more. I seek every day to recognize it (though sometimes it is so hard!) and repent of it. I don't see it as *everything* is his fault. I do think it explains a lot of things, but, I think as you said before, I can separate him from his sins (that was really helpful in clarifying things). I want him to be the person he *is* AND the man God intends him to be - whatever that IS. You are right - I *have* to stop sharing my feelings. But...but...they don't go away. Will they be ignored forever? It feels like I've been stuffing them for nearly a year, though they do come out. Yes, he has been "abusive" for our entire marriage - but I've tried to let go of any resentment about that since realizing and repenting of many things.
FWIW, based on some of your words, I have been trying to approach him physically - it's a least something I won't completely screw up... I have no idea what it means to him...in some ways it feels like I'm just being used, but I know I have to see past all that and hope for the best. What do you think? (asking because I appreciate & respect what you say)
Me: 42, H: 38 Married: 12 years (second M for me) 14D, 9D 2015 EA (PA??), porn addict, *pastor/counselor* MLC
At a counselor, he said he wanted the marriage but not to work on himself w/a IC. Piecing?
