It does wear on you to not feel like an object of desire. It's probably more that spouses take us for granted just as we do them. I Wish I could have my youth back, knowing what I know now. Husbands, if you want your wives to want more sex, just make her feel beautiful and desired. I was actually fantasizing about some aquaintance I met that heavily complimented me. This guy was no one I would go for, so I guess it's me just wanting to be the object of desire. So I agree with you.
I agree that I needed my H to make me feel more like his girlfriend/wife than mom, but I now realize that I put myself in that position by taking on the role of his caretaker. That is were I went wrong. Also, I think it is also our shared responsibility to make sure that we believe we feel desirable on our own. I own my own self confidence and I did myself no favors by gaining weight and letting myself go a bit.
That does not mean my H should have not listened to my needs that I was expressing. I still believe a healthy sex life takes two to make happen, not just one "just doing it". Maybe that is the independent/feminist side of me coming out. Maybe that viewpoint sets me up for failure in any future relationship.
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If husband came back, I don't feel any sexual attraction for him at all. Basically I lost all respect for him as a man. He is someone that abandoned me. What i feel like saying, " by walking out on us and expecting my parents to support us you have failed as a husband, father, and human being. I am ashamed for you"
How would i regain attraction and respect for him if we did reconcile?
I had asked him back in October when he told me he "could not " reconcile if he was still attracted to me ( I know pathetic pursuing) He told me that he suspected he would always be attracted to me because he would not have married me if he wasn't. we had a lot of probems with our sex life...both of us. I don't even think it was just one feeling completely rejected. We both did. It literally became a physical challenge.
I guess the thing to consider is that somewhere along the way your H had already lost respect for you and that is probably partially why you are here. I mean it does not seem like there can be much respect left with the WAS to allow them do what they do at BD, especially with those having As. I am not saying it always 100% legitimate or that they bothered to discuss the issues that lead to the disrepect. I know I lost my H's with my hurtful words when I would fight unfair. Should he really have to tell me to not call him names??
Last edited by BT13; 01/07/1607:12 PM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
