My W then proceeded to share something that surprised both me and the MC: She said that things have changed between her and the OM. As soon as it was no longer a secret for her to contact the OM, as soon as I had let her go, there was no longer any M to escape from. She finally felt the freedom to choose what she wanted, but realized that she had no idea what she wanted! She is no longer certain whether or not she is really interested in the OM. They have been in contact, but it is different - friendly but not romantic, she says. Something has changed.
The MC was very curious about this and they explored it further. What came to light is that much of the excitement that was motivating her to pursue the affairs was the very act of rebellion and secrecy. The MC encouraged my W to see how this was rooted in father issues. My W shed many tears as she admitted the truth of this pattern. Her emotions have been dominated by unresolved childhood stuff, and the MC asked her to imagine what it would be like if she was finally free to choose what she wanted for herself, not out of a reaction to others whom she is projecting those childhood patterns onto, but out of a true sense of who she really is as an individual and what she really wants, out of freedom. My W wanted this so badly, but could see she needed a lot of help. It was a very powerful moment and I am honored to have witnessed it.
For me, this provided all the answers I could have ever asked for. One of the hardest things for me in the past 2 months has been that I just haven't been able to understand how my W could possibly betray me in the way that she did. Now I think I am beginning to understand. It's really complex how emotions work, and how these unconscious childhood patterns can run your life. I am seeing the possibility of forgiving her now that I am starting to understand what's going on. I have no idea where this train is going, but I'm glad to see that it is finally moving.
I suppose Im glad at how this unfolded.
But Im pretty sure weve been telling you the bolded part up there for months. You can talk about the hows and the whys and the emotional history from childhood all you want, but it doesnt really matter. The next actions are the same regardless as to why she might be making the choices she is.
Hopefully, for your sake, you can continue down your path the same as before.
