New Year..Need new goals

[Rain75]

I'm so crushed. I've been crying all morning. After he left last night he didn't text to say goodnight or that he was home or anything he used to do. I immediately thought back to PA time and how only when he was with ow he wouldn't check in on us or say good night. But I tried not to think about it too much and I half watched a tv show. Read and finally fell asleep.

I woke up to a long text saying he was glad he got to see us and he wants me to know that had I just let him be and let him get over what he needed to get over, and deal with his feelings for ow, we would have been in a better place now. But since I didn't that is the reason he kept ow in his life. And why we are where we are now.

And that's also why talking to and flirting with these girls makes him feel so good. It's easy and he never had that with me. He couldn't be himself with me because all I cared about was his A.

I guess I was supposed to spend the last 2 plus years with a smile on and give him space to enjoy his A. In his mind it wasn't the A or that having ow means he was wasn't committed to us, that is the reason our family is no more. It's apparently that I had a problem with it.

I haven't responded because how does one respond to something like that?

My heart hurts and I hate that this is how he feels and how he sees me and our time together.

If he's never been happy with me and I was so horrible then why didn't he just leave me and marry ow?

I wish I could click an unlove box and walk away from him emotionally. That text breaks my heart.