(((( Ancaire )))) so sorry i didn't know things are bad on your side and to think you've been encouraging me all this while.
Anything about the D, let your L handle it. Unless your H is offering something really good out of a guilty conscience. Then you have to get it on record somehow.
Last edited by Grlonfr; 01/07/1610:59 AM.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I talked to my L late yesterday, and explained that I'm trying to avoid mediation, so that I can use his "divorce funds" in order to move.
She's on board with the plan, is willing to help, but doesn't think we're going to be successful. She didn't say anything about freezing his funds, so maybe that's not an option here. She's quick to suggest anything that gets me out of his path. She's really an awesome L. She recommended another emergency hearing if he doesn't become reasonable immediately.
The plan right now is to submit offers and counteroffers through L's until we come up with something we can both live with. My L, of course, will not let me settle for too little. She's seen and heard enough of his behavior to know what I'm dealing with. She's also got quite a bit of experience with abusive, controlling husbands.
She agrees with all of you. She wants me to hide behind her, and not speak to him at all.
As I said yesterday, I'm in agreement. I hate him/I love him...it's tearing me apart, so I need to avoid him at all costs.
I stumbled onto something interesting this morning. Google Sonia Ricotti, Bounce Back Big. It's a free e-book about overcoming challenges in life.
She's got a free webinar coming up next week, too. I haven't listened to any of it yet, so I can't comment on the quality, but it is from a woman who lost everything in her life at once, and came back bigger and better than ever. She's sharing her knowledge of how to move forward and achieve peace with life. I'm intrigued. I know a lot of you are interested in this kind of thing, too - so, I thought I'd pass it along.
It says it's about law of attraction. Have you ever looked into that ancaire? I have heard of it and seen meet up groups about it but never looked into it.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
I am awesome at the Law of Attraction, I can do it for "things" and my family jokes about my ability all the time. Seriously, I can "find" objects and material things almost like magic. I walked my sister through it with a complicated and emotional family situation she had and it resolved exactly the way she wanted. I haven't been able to do it for myself for my situation though, I think my emotions block me and I am way too attached to the outcome. And then because I am emotional, I turn to prayer instead. Which isn't mutually exclusive. And is probably better if you can only choose to do one or the other. Now that I have dropped the rope, this would be a good time to do it. I am going to start today. For my job interview. Here goes:
It's a phone interview. I am going to make an "easy" and genuine connection with the interviewer/manager and he will invite me in for an in person interview. I am more than qualified for this position, and he will see the value in hiring someone with more experience, that I am flexible and can take on other roles and responsibilities as the need arises, that I do not need supervision, I have good people skills and good judgment. This job and organization are a good match for my skills and personality.
Now I am going to read this to myself and "feel" it and visualize it and believe it.
Fo, thank you for the example, that was very inspirational! I haven't used this method although I have several of the books - to be honest, they felt a little too materialistic for me. But it is really to act 'as if' and I can use it to avoid negative expectations for my interactions with H and replace it with positive outcomes instead.
I never stop hoping that H will respond positively to my suggestions, but I know that I expect him not to, and I need to experiment with taking it up a notch to where I have visualized a positive outcome.
Also use this to stop thinking that he is still talking to OW behind my back...
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Fo, that example is amazing! I can see just what I can do from your specific example.
The piece of chocolate cake is a little large. But that is fine, because I just got an over-sized mug of Hazelnut Creme coffee. I am handed the cake by a Swedish masseuse as he tells me I have the loveliest eyes. Then he tells me the cake has zero calories.
Wait, maybe I should save this for helping my M?
okay, Judy, you can have my chocolate cake Law of Attraction. You need it way more than I do.
Now, dont talk to your H until Monday, at the minimum. I wont tell you to stay away from him, because that sounds like an impossible goal for you right now. Let's just agree that this weekend is only for you. Dont talk to him until Monday. But before you talk to him on Monday, ask us first!
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Mona - I am staying out of his way. It seems I have trouble controlling my mouth if I am in his vicinity, so I'm avoiding him like the plague he is!
I was in the shower a bit ago, and heard him pounding on my door. Normally, I would go see what he wants. Not today. Staying hidden safely away.
My PMA is much better today. Once I realized why I was so out of control, I was able to sit with myself awhile, and calm down, and resettle. Hopefully, I'll get faster and faster at recognizing it.
Well, once I'm out of this situation it'll help a lot, but it's a great life skill for me to learn! Feeling positive and happy.
