Adding Handcuffs to my box of items to carry with me at all times ...and not the red fluffy kind ...that's maybe a hopeful step too far he he.
This is more a vent and wanting opinions post.
So after a very nice Christmas with h he flew off to the UK to spend 10 days with his family - we put a messaging app on our phones so that we can stay in touch while he is away. He messaged me on NYE my time (which is 13 hrs ahead of him) which was a nice thought, although I get the impression it was a blanket message to all his NZ friends, so maybe not that a special thought, although I could be wrong. I acknowledged it and then messaged him at midnight his NYE, he did not see it until morning saying he was alseep - however I know he was online at midnight as the app tells me. He connected a few mins before midnight and stayed online until just afterwards. Since then I have had nothing from him, is he really telling me I have not crossed his mind at all?
I got an email from FIL today thanking me for his b/day card and saying that H has made a surprise visit to see his mum and that he was in on it and happy that they did not get rumbled. He then proceeded to tell me the story of how the surprise came about and how it all went down (which I already know as I was in on it from the start and the one who suggested that h contact his s/dad for help pulling it off). He then told me about the visit, how its going, what they have been doing - so h has not mentioned me at all, not even that I know he is there ?? I get that he doesn't want to tell them how friendly we are now, but to not mention that I was in on the surprise or that we are good friends, enough to spend Christmas together (which they know as they skyped with us on Christmas Day), well that's bizarre and a reminder of just how la la he still is.
As you can imagine, despite trying to keep detached, I have felt a little disappointed that h has not said hello while away, no thought I would like to hear from him. I am fed up with feeling like a toy that he gets out and plays with when he fancies and then chucks back in the box when he has found something better to do.
So to this end I have thought about how I want things to go when he returns. I no longer want to be the one who pushes this along, it was him who broke us, so why should it be me that fixes us? Is that an unreasonable expectation?
When he returns I am thinking of withdrawing my attention a bit (well a lot actually), allowing him to do the contacting, keeping my answers short and no information about what is going on in my life. I want him to be the one who suggests meeting up again and start making the moves towards me - and yes, he may just retreat and not bother, but then at least I will know where I stand.
Is this a good idea or am I just reacting to his lack of attention and regard for me, is it a silly idea which will only confuse and make him think I have lost interest ...or am peeved with him treating me badly ...which I am, but know that I must not say it to him. Or do I tell him I feel I am being treated badly; he did tell me to say if I ever feel he is doing so.
He is back this weekend, I know he will let me know he is home safely so I need to think about how I proceed from here.
Sorry for the jumbled rambled, just thinking out loud and no one to talk it through with - well no one that would be impartial anyway !!
