Pink, the "why's" are horrible. I know that I will never understand why. I know I can not get answers to the why's from an insane man. And yet they run through my mind all the time.
You said him looking for girls on hook up sites may mean he is lonely. But he brushed off seeing the kids to do that so i say he is just a horny teenager in the body of a 39 y.o.
Today he came to drop off $ and saw the kids for an hour. First thing he did was pick up our son and tell him while smiling at me...wow son you look more and more like mommy every day. Hmph!
Then also while here he told me (because you know, he is just so very classy) that he was "flirting" to make himself feel better because those girls don't know him and only have nice things to say and aren't talking about his A or his OW or making him feel bad about himself and what he's done.
That I am always miserable and can never enjoy what we do have outside of his A. In my mind everything was a lie due to A so yep i was sad. Sorry!
I about lost it. But I didn't, I just kept nodding my head like if what he was saying was so amazing and ground breaking. Even held eye contact.
When he saw that I wasn't taking the bait he stopped talking and then I went to my room.
After the hour he said he had to go. I thanked him for seeing the kids and said good bye.
And yes!! What is it with all of the "I want peace" when I never contact you. And telling me his life is in a shambles and his car and home are too and he needs to concentrate on himself and be happy. Um, okay! But I thought i was the reason your life was hell and I've been gone and mostly dark except for the rough start lol. But beyond responding when he initiates about the kids he doesn't hear from me or see me or see my name pop up on his phone.
And I think he may be an MLCer as of he had a loss in his family right before he "needed" and missed his ex soooooo badly he had to F up our life and family.
You always sound so grounded Pink, so strong. I want to get there too. Im sick of this. Im sick of crying over a man that cares nothing for me. Of missing a man that no longer exists. Being heart broken over someone that so easily and happily shattered me.
I have not spoken to a lawyer. But I did receive the paperwork to fill out for child support. I was hesistant as I know how upset he would be and I didn't want to push him further away. However!! Now that I know that he spends money like a child I have started filling in the packet and will be sending it in.
Why should I be worried about him being angry or too broke to pay his bills because it seems as if they will take a lot more than his ow convinced of. He isn't worried enough to spend responsibly and I need to know my chidlren are being taken care of.
I may have a client for next month and have put the word out to friends and family.
And yes I need to let go and I definitely need to find my way to detach myself.
