Angel, if she was indifferent to you, she would have left the photos up. She seems to be trying very hard to push you out of her life, and I think it is an attempt to end her own pain. We all know what she is doing is wrong, and she does, too.
There could be many reasons why she did this right now - one of them could be from anger over having to go to court, and trying to get a reaction from you that she can use against you. Don't let this throw you off and do something rash.
Focus on your children and be the hero.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Angel If your having thoughts like that please go and get some help for yourself. I understand how difficult it is to accept the loss of your W and feel your life is over but it is far from over. You have a great deal to live for and two children that will need you throughout your life. You have no ideal what your W will do, she may D you or you two may R in the future. Things always get much worse before they get better but you have to trust you will be ok no matter what happens. Get back to the DB basics and take care of yourself. Do not contact or lash out at her because of your pain, that will no help you. You also have to stop looking at this like she's doing this to you. She is in pain and trying to fix herself, not hurt you. I know it might feel that way but it's not personal. She's just a broken person just ad you are, just as most of us are.
Are you in IC? I would suggest it for everyone, it's a good place to talk out your feelings and get a handle on them.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
I need advise DB family. Tomorrow finally is my court date, my first court appointment. The first time i might see my wife in over 4 months. I am soooo ready. My question is, should i wear my ring? I have kept it on even through this whole mess. Because i am loyal. It's just something i hold dear to and it has great significance because of the vows i truly meant, until i am officially divorced. Do you guys think i would be seen as weak to her if she sees that im still wearing it? Maybe seen as still attached to her?
Strategically, I think it can only be to your benefit (the judge may notice and it should only add to your credibility).
Best wishes for tomorrow. Keep your composure and emotions under control, it is more important than you can imagine. Look down if she she accuses you of outrageous things or you for any reason need a moment to gather yourself. Expect the unexpected. The judge may look for signs that you have problems controlling yourself.
I hope the judge orders her to produce your children immediately!
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
yes my L told me she is accusing me of me being the abuser not her , i have never laid a hand on my girls. That it was my fault that baby felt twice since it was under both of supervision ( i have proof that it was her fault). She accusing me that i took the girls to a friends bday party and they came back with bruises and scratches. false again , i took them to a princess party that whole apt was carpet. Good thing i took pictures of the party and the inside of the place it was a nice kept apt. She is req supervised person to be with me when i have the kids because according to her im not a good dad. (this was yesterday over the phone conversation with my L)
after i heard what she is accusing me off and the req that she is making i got pretty angry. I told my L i think thats enough of me being Mr.nice guy. I was just going for the basic every other weekend visitation and i would pay her child support she would be primary , but yet she comes up with these lies. I told her to switch up the order and now i want 100% custody. I told my L to refuse all their offers and tell them we want 100% now. Sure enough today my L calls to tell me that they want to come to an agreement and not go to court, they are willing to drop the supervision person but i would only get them sat 8am-6pm bring them back pickup again sun 8am-6pm, they cant sleep in my house. I told her nope ,refuse that offer. I now want 100%. Sure enough 1 hour later her L calls again with a different offer. They can sleep at my house and i get them 1,3,5 week. I told my L NO! not anymore. we are going for 100% now. So the plan tomorrow is to go to court play chest game according to my L if i like any offer i can take it but we are going to deny everything and get a new court order for 100%. Thats the only way i can force her under my condition for her to take anger management classes and parenting classes.ultimately thats my goal, so my daughters can benefit from that. I am done with her anger issues , i am done with her extreme discipline done to my daughters. I am going to step up for them.
Angel, I would advise very strongly against this. I have over a decade's experience with divorced families and custody cases, and I can pretty much guarantee you that the judge will not give you 100% custody unless you have medical proof that she abused the children systematically and brutally, and the police was called repeatedly.
Have you discussed with your L exactly how custody is decided in your state? Many states have legal custody and physical custody as two separate concepts and it's important to know the difference.
The judge will want for the children to have access to both parents. It's about the children and what's best for them. Asking for 100% custody will make the judge look at you as vindictive and that you don't value the children's relationship with their mother.
The judge isn't going to believe she was abusive to the children either, because you never did anything about it while you were together. I understand why, but the judge isn't going to.
The offer of every 1, 3 and 5 weeks is an extremely good offer! I think you should jump on it and not let your anger and pride get in the way of achieving what you want. It means the children would spend more time with you than with her. You would have them over half the time and most likely have more legal say than her over them.
As young as they are, the judge may very well just give you every other weekend. Once you go into court, you give up all power over your situation and a stranger will decide. Once it's decided, you can't just appeal or want to take the offer. It will be too late unless something substantial changes.
Again, I will strongly urge you to take the offer of 1, 3, 5 weeks. It's excellent and you would have primary custody. Then, if you feel she is abusive to the children, you go step by step through the process of proving it. That is the only way you can protect your daughter. You can't gamble with this, seriously.
And make sure her accusations against you and the subsequent offers are documented. It makes her accusations worthless - she offers primary custody to someone she just wanted supervised visitation for? That's ridiculous.
But you still won't get 100% custody in court.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Ill be honest with you angel, I'm still not sure on your motives and I think your now acting out of pride and trying to get a reaction out of W. Just the previous post you were worried about what W would think if you wore the ring. Then you say you were just going after the basic visitation, which suddenly changed after she accused you of being a bad dad and you now want 100% custody? To get her the classes?? If it were about your daughters then her attacking you wouldn't have changed anything, you would have already been set on a position. You're just reacting to her.
What did your L advise you to do. I would really listen to them and not let your pride or need to reconcile with her effect the outcome with your daughters.
As I said before, I have no issue with you feeling the need to protect kids. I do have an issue with you only protecting the kids if it does or doesn't get a reaction out of W, which seem to be whats happening.
Regardless, good luck tomorrow. Whats important is you getting a relationship back with your daughters.
^^^Painter said it much better than I did.
Last edited by Fogg; 01/06/1605:04 AM.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
