I actually understand what your IC said. Are you leaving anything out? Because if not, he didn't tell you to give up on your Marriage. He told you to save yourself. Your marriage cannot be your focus right now. We tell you the same thing.
The single best chance you have at R, is to focus on YOU, not H. Your IC may have phrased it poorly, but the thought is correct. If H is not in there with you trying, then he's not helping. The only person you can control is you. You're sinking because you're so sad about all this. Your IC is trying to move you in a more constructive direction.
If you decide to stand for your M (meaning let H go for now, and come back when he's sane again) not many people will understand that. Most everyone is going to tell you to move on, find someone new. That's why you should probably not talk about what you're trying to accomplish with H outside of this board and IC.
But right now? What are you really in control of? What are you supposed to be worrying about? Where should your focus be?
