Yesterday he took D to school and collected her so he was at our home when I returned from work. I got home just 5 minutes after S got home from school and in these 5 minutes H had already had his chat with him that he'd promised he would do during their crying session on the phone on Monday night. All he said to S was, "I'm not coming home because it's complicated and I don't want to discuss it with you." Wow.
He was cheery with me and said he thought he might get us all pizza so that S can't say he doesn't have tea with us! (S said this on Monday when H left). I managed to DB by not saying what I was actually thinking (snappy retort) and just smiled sweetly and said that would be nice. Immediately after tea he left to go home to bed before his night shift. I refused his offer to take D to school again this morning - it just upsets me having him here in a morning when I'm getting ready for work.
Today he text at teatime and I didn't reply because his text said he was trying to get more sleep before coming round and as I hadn't noticed the text for over an hour after him sending it I thought I'd better not reply in case I woke him up! He eventually turned up when it was time for the kids to get ready for bed so they ended up staying up late. He seemed upset that I hadn't replied to his text!?!? Asking me why I hadn't replied! So it's OK for him to ignore my texts but not the other way round! I thought this was interesting! Then he proceeded to tell me how he'd had to break into our shed the day before to get something because he couldn't find the key. He claims to have looked for the key for over an hour. I went to where we keep the keys and lo and behold, in approx 0.25 seconds I'd found the key!! I was fuming and did show it a little. H shouted at me that he had looked and someone must have put them back since yesterday. No. None of us have been near the shed. I ignored him shouting at me and took myself out of the way for 20 minutes until I'd calmed down. As soon as I told the kids it was time to get ready for bed he just left. Didn't stay to put them to bed or anything.
I'd appreciate thoughts on these interactions and what I should do. I'm confused about goals and which parts of DB to actually be doing because he's left but comes round so much and act like a family for an hour or so and then 'snap' he leaves.
inpain - What do you understand about MLC? To me, your H is showing classic signs. These interactions are practically textbook examples of MLC confusion.
The world revolves around them. Period. The rest of you are support staff to their needs. Nothing they do will make sense to you. I'm not sure it does to them, but they ignore that. They will give and take back affection whenever they see fit. No. You are not allowed to treat them the same way they treat you. It offends them. They spew. They shout. They throw tantrums. The same rules that apply to them, do not apply to you. They can do whatever they want, whenever they want, and with whomever they want. You? You'd best be in the same place they left you, or all hell will break loose.
Have you done any poking around the MLC section of this forum? There is a lot of information to be found about this, as well as practical advice from other DBers. The only part of DBing that applies with MLC is really to keep a positive mental attitude. Things that work in other situations don't usually work with them.
I wish I had more for you. Stick to DB principles as much as you can. Try and keep calm. (I fail miserably at this, all the time.) I think you handled the interactions beautifully. You were calm, you were nice. I like to say my favorite words are strong and calm...then I get upset and become shrew and crazy...lol
It's funny you should sat MLC Ancaire as I have started to wonder this myself. I forgot to mention something else that points to MLC like nobody's business!
There have been 'watched items' emails coming through from ebay on our email account. The latest ones were for a motorbike and, wait for it...a gym weight lifting bench. MLC anyone?
LOL I think you're correct. Read as much about it as you can. The more information you have, the better you'll be able to make sense of the unexplainable.
LOL I think you're correct. Read as much about it as you can. The more information you have, the better you'll be able to make sense of the unexplainable.
Yes, I will. I did read the MLC section of DR before but I must refresh my memory! I was fuming when I saw these emails. It made me feel like he has basically left me and the children because he doesn't want responsibility anymore, doesn't want to bring up his children and do all the mundane running a home stuff. No. He wants to chill out on his bed staring at his ipad whenever he isn't working or sleeping, build muscles and buy a motorbike. Nice.
Wow, I like your H reply to your son, classy! Personaly I think you did well not to reply to his text. This isn't one way street : one rule for him and another for you! Wake up H Earth is talking to you!
Him shouting at you is because he is angry because you have decided not to play by his rules. I'm not a vet but I'll say keep what you are doing as you are getting some reaction from H. I wish I would a bit of that with my H!
