I just want to avoid any talk of the A if at all possible. I certainly don't want to ask her "So have you ended it with OM?".
If she ends the A and is remorseful, you won't have to ask her. She will go to you and tell you. And, until she does......do not trust her words, and don't even trust her what she does, b/c the actions of a WW can really trip up a LBH.....if he puts trust into them. The first time she makes a move on you, you'll wonder what the heck is going on and will be posting how confused it's making you. You will see all types of emotions come from her.....don't believe them. She will test you to see how emotionally attached you are to the relationship......and the minute she is assured she has still has you, she's right back to her waywardness. It is what we call temp checking. She's taking your emotional temperature.
She may go to you crying about how hard she's having it, or play all nicey-nice, but it's all about her and her selfishness. She is motivated by her selfishness and she lives for the moment. Whatever mood she happens to be in at the moment is how she will act.
You are off to a good start. Just brace yourself and know that you will have days of discouragement like never before. These guys know exactly what it's like, so come here and talk to them. They are a little farther ahead of you, so learn by their mistakes.
You can be your own best friend or worst enemy. It's all about your attitude. You can pep yourself up and have a great day, or you can allow defeated emotions to pull you down into a tunnel.
Right now, it's not about proving your love to your W. It is about standing for your family values, principles, self-respect, and spiritual beliefs. You can demonstrate this lovingly, but not in a weak manner. A man cannot afford to show his inner weakness to his WW. It is something about that weakness that makes a wayward wife want to vomit on him from disgust. It's b/c she has no respect for him as a man, and when she sees any form of inner weakness....she is thoroughly turned off. This is not the girl you married. She has changed and you will not be able to interact with her in the same manner as in the past.
I would suggest you get some type of counseling, group therapy, or research verbal abuse. Even when a couple says things they don't mean.....it still does damage to their respect and to their R. Even when you apologize, the damage is done. So, please get help for this issue and train yourself how to communicate when you are upset.
BTW, the good news is that she can change back to the woman you love. It won't be quickly, and won't be easy.....but it can happen.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
