Most of the time - I control my urge to snoop. Most of the time. Every once in a while, when I feel like torturing myself I guess, I will sneak into Facebook through a back door to see what he is doing.
I never like what I find. I go longer and longer stretches between snooping missions - If only to protect my heart.
I'm only confessing so that you don't feel all by yourself in violating the rules. It does us no good. It creates ill-feeling. It accomplishes nothing.
I am a master snooper also. Fortunately H deleted his FB account and OW blocked me. And I don't have access to H's phone records anymore. But I can see OW's husband FB and some of her daughter's and mother's. I learn a lot. Like OW is not living with H like I thought. She is back in NJ and went to a Christmas party with her H. Her mother was visiting for Christmas. Her H applied to retirement and is planning to stay in NJ because of a sick family member (OW). Her H and her mother are talking about a cruise next year. And today he posted a video of a guy who discovered his wife with another man and calmly asks for a divorce.
Also, because of a box H left my basement I know OW mailed him something mid December using my H's last name in the return address.
So the snooping really doesn't do anything but keep me agitated because H is still set on a D.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
Mona, It's true, you didn't waste 20 years of your life. Take a deep breath and look around you. Look at what you've accomplished and you did a large majority of this on your own. Trust me when I say this, if things hadn't been great, one of you would have left the marriage a very long time ago...that didn't happen. You fought for your marriage a few years ago and now you are doing the same...but this time around you are a far wiser woman and know what you need to do sooner.
You've got a lot of living to do still. Sure, the current chapter of your life has the print smudged a bit, but the rest of the book still needs the pages filled to the brim w/what is going to transpire in your life. Live your life to the fullest and be a good role model for your kids. You are so right about the 20 years you spent w/your h, i.e., it is no time at all compared to what you may have left to live until the end.
It's okay to leave the door ajar and continue moving forward. If the dumb cluck wakes up and realizes that he's lost the most important person in his life, he may opt to paddle harder to catch up w/you. If he does, he's got a lot of hard work to do to earn your trust, faith and love back. Don't make it easy for him...he's got to prove himself to YOU and no one else.
I think you need to take some time out for a nice spa day. A nice massage would be very good and while at the spa, get the works. You owe it to yourself. Sometimes we have to pamper ourselves in order to get our batteries recharged and I think a spa day would do you a world of good!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
No, you're right. Northeaster here. And ready to board that party bus. Sounds pretty amazing actually.
Part of me wishes I would google ow but she's probably stunning. I do enjoy checking out what he is spending money on, but it's also to gather info in case I need it. So totally justifiable snooping ;-)
And please, woman, slow down. Take Jobs suggestion and go to the spa. Get a facial or massage and get your nails done. Or your hair. Just something purely selfish. So the next time your H calls asking for money you can just tell him that you need it to get a wax to go with your new thongs.
I know just what we can do so we do not burn out! We should gather a gaggle of girls from the boards here, me, Gmum, Judy, Fo, Jelly, everyone, but sorry guys, girls only, we can pile into a bus and when mut's W is in her 'angry mood' we can invade his house, pamper the he|| out of him for 2 hours then just leave. HA!
OMG I am just going to picture the look on her face for a few more minutes
mut, I mean absolutely no disrespect to your W. We would certainly kill her with kindness the whole time we are pampering you!
Mona, I am DYING over here at this suggestion! Poor Mutatio isn't going to know what to say when he reads this thread, you might have scared him off. We've got to be wearing miniskirts and lash extensions while doing this.
You are giving me a flashback to my college days....
I am smiling. Fo, you are right. I don't know what to say. I will let my heart type instead of my head. You ladies mean so much to me. I love you all. You are so kind to me. I am trying so hard to to do the right thing but it is so dark here. Then I come here and I am surrounded by beautiful souls. Kind people that care for me. You are my friends of choice. I wonder how you all are faring each day. When something happens I want to share it here, with you my friends. On a lighter note, I would love to hang out with all of you. To bask in the warmth of your friendship would make my heart sing.
