Separated- Wife in Emotional Affair

[trumpet]

Chris,

She needs to feel the loss.
It will feel at first that you're being a jerk. My mind kept on thinking BUT I'M THE GOOD GUY, WHY? It's because she needs to feel a change in your relationship. She is giddy in love - or maybe close. The pull is some of the strongest stuff known to man, like superglue, or duct tape!

The tough part is when she notices, and starts to ask questions. Mine got angry at first. Then came the questions. Her mind raced that now I was having an affair, and she got PI**ED. I now see, looking back, that it was emotions fueling her day-to-day activities. The texts I found from OM kept saying that they were the highlight of each other's day - that they LIVED to hear from their pen pal. It really is like an addiction.

If she's off the drug, she still wants the high of the attention. She might turn to you, but really, she's looking to just keep the fire going with plan A. Temperature check with you, yep, you're still there, back to her regurarily scheduled program, also known as Plan A.

I am so proud of you for making changes - now make the STICK. Keep it up - make the changes not just a change but a foundation of you, a cornerstone of who you are.

You WANT the NC to have an effect - that's awesome to know it will get her attention!

It will be very hard NOT to be her safety net. Remember, she has decided someone else was a better safety net than you. It's ok to be angry about that, but she can't see that right now. She just has to know that you just took your net and went home.

I got a little glimpse of my wife being humble and wanting to work on the R when she stopped the EA - it took about a week, and I saw the glimpse, and that she started to call and text me, and how she approached the conversations.

Tread lightly when you see that - and come back for advice when that happens. I made my biggest mistakes in that time, thinking she was back for good, but I went too fast, and demanded lots of things, which drove her away again. Still working to heal from that toe-stub. But I'm working on me, and really detaching now.