dday, rebuilding

[dday]

More from the IC/Priest. He is becoming a friend to me too. So It is awesome that I have met him. (I'm not even Catholic, but my W and kids are) He is encouraging me to branch out more and meet more people. (GAL) He thought it is awesome that the boys and I are going to start the building process. I think it will be great to have something productive to focus on. He said it is a great way to show the world that I haven't rolled over and quit. And a symbol of a new beginning. He offered to come and bless it when I am done. Also said that he makes pretty good sushi... which I find awesome.

I have noticed lately that I feel lighter. I survived the legal process. Maybe that is why. Accepting the reality more? Still not happy with it, but I can't change it.

I am still frustrated that XW parents are spoiling her right now. I can't agree with them enabling her. And it is all for her, new clothes and furniture for what used to be my den. Not much in there for the boys. BUT, I also don't want her to come back because she needs money. IF she ever decided that she wants to R, I want it to be about her and I and the boys.

And honestly, it doesn't matter if her parents prolong her reality shock, because she isn't even close to ready to be with me. She is like a totally different person that looks like a girl I love. As I heard or read recently... I'm in love with a ghost right now.

Priest asked me what I thought about the "new" xw. I told him that I don't like her. She is like a rebellious teen and thinks of herself first, consequences be damned. That is not the person I fell in love with. He said it is common for people to go through a phase like this during a major life change. I can believe that, just don't like it.

So, if she came back today and wanted to try... it wouldn't work. As Sandi said, it takes way longer than you would think. I am 11 months and a D into it, and I still don't recognize her. It's sad, but it's her journey to make and she doesn't want me holding her hand through it now.