Dimond - H and I were house shopping the month before BD. We held hands. We were close. I had no idea there was a storm brewing inside him. We looked at a house, put in an offer, 10 days before BD. WTF?
Looks are very deceiving.
Toys. Makes me grimace right now. H suggested that's what I use to entertain myself. Clearly, I was not allowed to go out and find a person...but a toy? I had his permission. Jerk.
I have always had a toy or two floating around in my life. They come in handy at times.
I had offers for NSA sex from guys I dated before H and I met, pretty much as soon as word got out that we had separated. At first, I was still way too emotionally raw to even think about anything to do with sex. Before Christmas I thought about it a little more. I knew if I took that step then there would be absolutely no way back to my M. In a way I wanted it to be done, but then in the end I knew I couldn't go through with it. I'm glad I didn't since we are now working on rebuilding our R.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Wednesday I had IC. Had a long chat about what my M could look like in the future. She made a valid point about it being whatever the f**k I want it to be.
I always thought I wanted a full-time H. Someone I did everything with. Now that I'm on my own again I think I rather like it. Maybe, just maybe living apart from each other might work in the long run. I can concentrate on myself, do my schooling, live with my animals. Financially I wouldn't have to worry about what he's doing or how much he spends. Doesn't affect me at all.
H will never be one to get me fancy jewelry or whisk me away on a fabulous vacation. I'm ok with that, because I can buy myself what I like or want and I can whisk myself away on a vacation.
IC said I'm doing remarkably better. I can feel it too. Maybe the AD is kicking in, maybe it's because H and I are getting along so well. Whatever it is...I like it!
I'm working on furnishing the house a bit more, getting shelving, unpacking and sorting. Today I sent in my registration and payment for college. My daughter and I went to the local rec centre and signed up. Yoga and aquafitness here I come! Life is moving in a uncertain, but exciting direction.
My daughter was with me when I sent in the registration for college. She turned to me and told me she was very proud of me. That made my day! I'm very proud of myself as well. I have come such a long way in the last 9 months.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
i am going the black, white and chrome route. I'm also digging up my ladybug collection. It's time for them to be displayed in their full glory.
I'm not a girly girl, but I love sparkles. I think a disco ball or a glitter lava lamp are in my near shopping future. I also like crystals and angels.
It is so liberating to do only what is good and right for me. Well, except the fur babies, they come first. My dog loves the leather reclining love seats I got, so do the cats. I think we are all happier here.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Thank you mutatio. Not that long ago I was completely overwhelmed and miserable. I truly think moving and having a fresh start was good for me, my daughter and my animals.
As far as my M. Don't know how that will proceed. I think in the end the only way H and I will divorce or not, is if I make that decision. For now I choose not to make a decision and just live in the now.
Still pray every night that my fellow DB'rs find happiness and peace!
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Di - You are doing so very well! It is my hope that one day soon, I will be emulating you quite well.
You are quite right about H. He is pretty self-righteous! My feelings for him are so complicated. I love him. I hate him. He's let me down in every way that counts. I miss him. Argh!
Moving out will be great - now just to get the funds to do it...
That made my day! I'm very proud of myself as well. I have come such a long way in the last 9 months.