Kitty came home this morning. He is exhausted and fast asleep on my bed right now. I keep checking in with my daughter to make sure he and she are ok.
I'm in a hotel room and just spent 5 hours with my H before he went to work. I will go see him at midnight to ring in the New Year with him then back to the hotel by myself until he gets off at 5 am.
I love my H and am glad that we can be together on New Years (sorta lol). 2015 was the toughest year of my life. 2016 will be so much better!
Happy New Years to all the DBrs! We made it to another year!
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Well, first full day home again. Thought I would give an update.
My few days away at H's place didn't quite work out the way I thought they would. Kitty was still sick and I had to come back home on New Year's Day in the evening so I could take him in for an x-Ray first thing in the morning on Saturday. H was not very happy about it. He kept telling me to have my daughter take care of it. I guess he felt that I chose the cat over him. Oh well! He was going to work anyways and I would have had to spend the night alone at his place. I chose to drive home and check on my sick kitty and all of my other animals and my daughter. In the end, I know I made the right decision. H came down with some kind of stomach bug and was sick all Friday night and Saturday. Phew...got lucky and avoided that one.
I came back on Sunday afternoon and H and I went to a lovely classical concert. Came back to his place and made a nice dinner, then spent the rest of the evening in bed watching one of our favorite shows on his IPad until we fell asleep. It was ok. I wish he would have been a bit more affectionate, like holding hands and such.
Monday I finally brought up a bit of R talk. I tried to explain to him that I'm not sure if I should mirror him and be less affectionate with him. I have always been a touchy freely, holding hands, pda kind of person and he used to be to and now he's not. He asked me to be patient with him and to continue to be the person that I am, to continue to be affectionate with him. I did tell him that when he is not affectionate back towards me that I feel rejected. He assured me that is not what he feels. We briefly talked about IC for him. He brought it up. He also said that he realizes he was a terrible husband and very selfish. He knows that is "wrong" in a relationship, but doesn't know how or if he can change that. Again I was asked for patience. I told him that I'm ok with the way things are right now. I actually like going home to my own place, to my animals, to my life. I did also tell him that my goal eventually is to have a husband, not a boyfriend.
I love my H, I truly do, but I don't need him in my life. I chose to go see him, I chose to spend time with him when I can. I really don't know if we could be happy living together again. I compromised so much the last time. I really don't want to do that anymore. I like living in my new place. My home, my rules or no rules. Whatever I want to do or don't want to do is ok.
Ugh...I think for now I'm just not going to stress about it. Whatever will be, will be. One good thing about this arrangment is that I get my fix of s*x every couple of weeks.
On a final note, I think H knows that if he wavers one more time and goes back to "I don't want a relationship with you" then we are done. I am moving forward with my life. I will not be yo-yo'd around by him. I have stood strong for my marriage, but I can only take so much. I'm really cautious this time around and I think he knows it too.
One more thing....H told me that he is strong enough to live on his own, in other words implying that I'm not strong because I chose not to live alone. I actually thought about this quite a bit in the last little while. I think it takes a certain strength to live with someone else or even multiple people. It can't be just all about yourself and I told him that too.
Kitty is finally out of the woods for now, after one more visit to the vet today. He is my favourite male. He loves me unconditionally. I think H could learn a few things from him about love.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Di, I'm having trouble figuring out what you want. You like having your own place. You're enjoying spending time with H, but happy enough that you're not together right now. Are you absolutely certain you don't want him just as a boyfriend?
How do you see things changing if you wind up moving back in together? Better or worse?
I am so very happy your kitty is doing well. I love mine so very much, and would be crushed for anything to ever happen to him.
I think I'm having trouble figuring out what I want.
Once upon a time I would have done pretty much anything to live with my husband again. He didn't want that, or me. It almost destroyed me, but I started to build myself up again from scratch. All this was done with no R in mind. I moved forward and did what was best for me, not what I thought would be best for a possible reconciliation. I had to make some really difficult decisions. I am still on a path forward, without my H for now.
I don't want a boyfriend, I want my H. I want to have a fully committed partnership, including living together. However, we can't always get what we want. For now, it is what it is. I go visit with my H every few weeks, then I go home. He does always introduce me as his wife to everyone we meet, including all his co-workers.
I don't even know how to approach thinking about living together again. Neither one of us is even remotely near that step yet. Both of us need more IC to figure out some of our issues.
It will never be the way it was. The house is sold. My whole life is very different from what it was the entire time we were together. Biggest thing for both of us has to be, him being less selfish and me being more selfish. Balance! It was an incredibly unbalanced relationship before.
The other issue H and I have is the animals. He does not like living with the animals. He said he could tolerate the dog and my oldest female cat but really would prefer no animals at all. I have had all the animals before we met and married. He knew how much they meant to me. Yes, sometimes they are a pain in the butt and annoying and frustrating and expensive, but I love them. I did manage to pare down my brood and gave the 2 youngest to my son to take care of. One kitty is exclusively my daughters. That leaves me with my 11 year old dog, 12 year old lady kitty and my 10 year old male kitty (problem child). I will not leave them, ever!! If I gave them up it would fundamentally change me as a person. I'm taking courses to go into the animal care field. This is what I have always been meant to do in my life, what I have always done. Rescue and take care of animals. In my life we have had over 20 dogs and over 50 cats. We would rescue, take care of, re-home on my moms 10 acre property. My mother and brother are the same way as me and my children are animal lovers as well.
I understand my H is not this way. He was raised as an only child by his widowed mom. The house was always perfect, with everything in it's place. Very clean and sterile, and very quiet. My house was always full of life and noise and mess. Again, we have to find a balance if we were to live together again. Something to worry about further down the road.
Last edited by Di-mond; 01/06/1603:41 PM.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
You're absolutely right. It is something for another day.
You're working on a new R with H, and it could take many different forms. Too soon to start thinking about it.
You have a dog and two cats. I have the same. That is hardly a stable-full of animals. Yeah. I'd probably keep my pets, and let H live elsewhere if he had a problem with them. LOL I really understand where you're coming from on that one.
You're correct in just taking it one day at a time, embracing each day as it comes. I'm kind of jealous. I haven't had sex since before BD...my lady parts are going to dry up and fall off before this is all done!
Lucky you, to be in such a good spot at the moment. I am so very happy for you.
I don't feel that way often. Whenever I go out and see couples together, all happy and secure, I feel awful. Why couldn't I be so lucky and have that kind of relationship? What I remind myself of is that looks can be so deceiving. Everyone was so shocked when H and I separated. We were the "perfect" couple. Always very loving with eachother. We both hid our unhappiness well. As much as it hurt, it had to be this way. I know that I am growing as a person, changing for he better. My H, I hope he does too.
About the sex...V had an interesting post a while back about toys. No need to dry up anything! Lol
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
