I guess I would say I am a Vet in making many mistakes, but time is powerful and keep teaching us lessons as we go through it.
Re read all what you wrote on your last post about things that he texted you. This man is in no place to have fun much less to be happy with whatever is in his life.
Rain, after so much thinking of "Why this and Why that" my life became miserable. Well, I got tired of being a punch bag, a miserable being that was just giving value to what was hurting me.
I learned that I can't change other people's behaviors and wrong doing. I can change only my own.
I also learned that this people choose this path of destruction. They know what they are doing but they are too lost, too confused, too sorry for themselves and they can't get themselves out of the hole.
I can probably bet high that your XF is in no where to find happiness. Looking for girls in hook up sites just means that he is lonely and that he has no one to love him properly at this moment.
It's amazing how many times they will repeat they want peace when you are not pursuing anymore. You look at them and ask yourself if they are perhaps with dementia. But this is what he is hearing from himself. He is in such internal turmoil that there is no peace to be found.
Maybe you will see worse coming from him. Maybe he will push you to over your limits because he needs to hold on to something.
I am still learning about MLC and trying to accept it as a sickness. And maybe your XF is an MCer and has started his journey on the MLC Wonderland some time ago.
So with all the above in mind. I learned that I am not so old, not so ugly, not so stupid, etc. I learned I deserve respect, that I am a beautiful person that have values I would not trade for anything. I learned I am stronger then I ever knew, learned that I can set boundaries with someone that is not in his right mind. I learned I do not need or want to know what he is doing because it is worse for me.
You see, time has been teaching me that right now I need to love myself, learn as much as I can of who I am and who I want to be, learn to be happy with myself and other people beside XH, how to do different things and enjoy some fun on my own. In this way also learn that if I treat myself well I will also be a better mother, more relaxed and in connection with my children and the day by day torture will became a every day joy.
It's a learning process and many of us make a lot of mistakes until we finally get that it is all inside of us. We learn that if we are happy inside ourselves then we will find happiness outside ourselves.
Be patient...give yourself time, detach from his insanity.
I never tough I would be one to advise that you need to let go in order to attract. That you need to DETACH in order to grow as a better person.
But it is true... very true!!!!
By other hand, start looking into your finances. Did you get that free appointment with a lawyer to advise you what are your choices, rights, in your specific situation.
If there is one thing I do not regret is to have done my one D, even if it was not my idea, it was a way to protect my kids and myself. As far as I know, my interest is protect and I don't need to cry over the milk spilled and I have been getting emails because my XH is not really paying his bills, but he is always in his next vacation, adventure, do not have a place to live that is his own, didn't have much money for his kids XMas's gifts, etc.
Protect yourself legally, don't get mixed up between love and finance, they do not need to be related. Your XF might be in this for quite a while, so think about yourself and your kiddos.
You are a smart girl and a beautiful soul. Lots of hugs,
