MB, I'm reposting this for you. This is why I'm ahead of you a bit. Remember, my H attempted to R for about 2 weeks as well. He knew it was the "right thing" to do, but it's not what he wanted in his heart. I just looked at your H's age, and my heart sank for you. I'm pretty sure, based on his behaviour and age, you're dealing with the same thing. The only way you're going to get through this is to start implementing what I suggested below. I was a puddle on the floor, at first. I couldn't move or function. He might as well have shot me!
And remember, I had a total meltdown yesterday. This all takes time and practice. The best thing you can do is to start directing your mind on what you're going to let it think about. It's hard, MB. At first, you'll think of something for one second...then back to H. You'll get better and better the more you work on it.
Originally Posted By: Ancaire
MB...It took months for me to be excited about it, but I know exactly what happened. I stopped thinking about H. I'll catch myself going there, and if it's important, I'll finish the thought. If it's the old "I love him, I miss him, how could he do this to me, etc" I force myself to think of something else.
At first, it's really, really hard. But I am literally retraining my brain into a new line of thinking. It wants to think of H. I won't let it. I consciously redirect. It gets easier and easier, and as a result, my attitude gets far more hopeful.
There is nothing wrong with you. You're reacting to the training you've given your mind. You think about H all the time, so where does your mind automatically want to go? Down the path that's easiest. You really have to focus on training it to go down a different path. Some thoughts that may help:
1. Watch TED talks on youtube. You'll learn a lot of really great stuff. It's motivation and educational. 2. Make a bucket list of things you want to accomplish in life before it ends. You'll start daydreaming about that list, the more you think of it. 3. Write out goals for what you want to do, and how to get there. This is a great example: "I want to think about H less, and me more." How do I do that? "I will force myself to think about my favorite teacher growing up whenever I notice I've started thinking about H." How will I know it's working? "I will know it's working when I've gone an entire hour without thoughts of H intruding into my head."
I could probably come up with more, if you need, but it's best to start very simply. Start doing things that lift you up. Motivation/educational programs are simply the best thing for that. Reprogram your brain, it actually works! It's just not easy at first. Define some immediate goals to get you from thinking about and missing H every minute of the day.
I hope that helps a bit? Those of us here all share one quality. We have backbones of steel. This is not easy, and to choose to do it, to put ourselves through this kind of flexibility in order to save our M's? I think we're all rockstars, in our own way.
