Letting go, finally

[JGuy]

Thank you everyone for the input on my struggle with how to deal with the hard approach that Zeus and Azzork have been taking with me. Rd500 was taking this approach with me awhile back too. I do appreciate that their intentions are good, but I stand by what I said. One thing that I would say to you is this: Although you have been through similar situations and you do have a lot of wisdom to share, you are not professionally trained counselors. Despite the fact that you may have good intentions and can see that something you know about applies to my situation, you are not trained at how to best communicate the advice in a way that is most likely to be helpful. I am telling you that this hard approach doesn't work well with me, and I mean it. That doesn't mean that I am rejecting the advice. I am rejecting the way in which you are delivering it. I do appreciate much of your advice and I appreciate that your intentions are good, but if your goal is to be a better helper to people who are walking in the path that you have traveled, then it may help you achieve that goal by listening to what I am saying now.

First and foremost, all I have is myself. As Sandi points out, it is up to me to integrate all of the conflicting advice that I am getting from different sources. So it's very important that I have confidence in myself to choose the best approach. Whatever actions I take, I need to be confident in my own process of experimentation and figuring it out for myself. Without that, I have nothing. I learned this the hard way 11 years ago, when I had a falling out with a meditation teacher and spiritual leader who couldn't see that she had created a cult which was having a destructive effect on the lives of her students. For reference, I described that and what I learned from it in this post:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2624219#Post2624219

It is because of healing from that experience that I have the strength now to say this to you. When I stood up for myself in this way with rd500 awhile back, he pushed harder, insisted that it was me who needed to be humble, and then stopped posting on my thread. That's unfortunate but I'm not willing to put anyone on a pedestal here. Yes, there is much I can learn from you guys and I do appreciate your support. But I am not you. We are all unique.

Lastly, I just want to point out that the majority of people here have taken a "tough but soft" approach on me which works much better for me. Sandi is a good example. I do need to hear the hard truth about the reality of just how strong I need to be in setting emotional boundaries my W, but I really prefer it when people deliver that hard truth in a soft way that is empathetic toward how difficult it is for me given where I am at. That is what is helping me the most to get it, build strength, and to actually make the shift into detachment.

Again, Zeus and Azzork, I thank you for your efforts to help me and for your good intentions. I hope that you'll understand what I'm saying without taking it personally and leaving my thread as I do appreciate your support.