I'm not an expert, but I think you're on the right track having that talk with your W.
Your needs in the R aren't being met; that is clear. I'm glad that you have made the resolution to live your life fully and completely.
Someone once told me that a strong M comes from two people who are at their best and complement each other and I believe that to an extent. I also believe that a perfect compliment to who we are isn't realistic, either.
I believe that we need to know who we are and what we want out of life.
I believe that when we give, it needs to be from a place of strength.
I believe that we need to know what we want and need in a partner.
It sounds like you have those things: You know who you are and what you want, seem confident and aren't giving using silent contracts, and understand that what you're living is not the R you want or need.
Your stitch truly does seem different from many here in that your wife doesn't seem like she has an exit strategy, and is content living in a loveless marriage.
For me, I'd have to say something at this point because I believe that our needs can't be met by others if they don't know what they are.
Too many people think M and R shouldn't be hard. These things should come as naturally and as easily as breathing. Hollywood has taught us this, but it is far from the truth. M and R take work and communication.
What have you tried to do in order to get your message and feelings across to your wife and how did she respond? Does she shut down? does she say she understands?
I used to just let things go, too. All it did was build resentment towards my W. Now that W and I are in a better place, I'm trying really hard to explain what my needs are. I carry those needs in my wallet as well, in case i ever forget what they are.
Are all those needs being met and causing my love tank to overflow? not yet, but I also now recognize how my W shows her love, and so I can see that she's trying. She's showing me that she's trying to speak my LL better as well.
I can see the effort being put forth by her and that makes me feel valued, but if my W didn't know how I felt or what she needed to do, my needs wouldn't be being met at all.
The key to all of this is understanding that even if you tell her what you want and need, she ultimately gets to decide whether or not she wants to try to meet those needs. It's her choice.
in turn, you also get to choose how you respond to her choice, wether she decides that, yes, she can meet those needs, or, no, she has no desire to attempt, or literally is unable to meet those needs.
You can tell her what you want to tell her, let her know that you are expecting an answer at some point (don't put a time limit on her, but you can choose how long you want to wait), drop the mike and walk out. You've said what you needed to say and now you've put the ball back in her court.
Make sure you are calm and deliver the message in a sincere way, not one that carries negative or unwanted undertones.
If you're ready to say what you need to say, and more importantly, if you're ready to hear her answers, I see no reason to not ask.
